Am I really this crazy?

I used to be funny

2011-12-20T04:48:00.002+03:00

I swear I need to invent some sort of EMP device that I can punish all the shitty drivers with. Until that time, I just scream at them from inside my car therefore temporarily looking like an completely insane woman on my drive to and from work. If I notice someone has actually seen me screaming at the idiot in front of me, I pretend like I am on my hands free phone, smile and nod my head at them. By the time I pull into my driveway, I am so fed up that even when the hot doctor across the street smiles and waves at me all I can think of is flipping him off (but I don't!).

Stress sucks. There is hopefully another job prospect for my husband. He has what could be a pretty lucrative digital production business if we could just figure out some investors to get it started. I don't remember how all that works. It seems when we moved overseas, my brain turned to mush and it hasn't reconstituted yet.

It is totally cool that dad is home with the kids though. Now that they are home for Christmas break, he is taking them to the library and doing cool things with them. I can barely get in the door and set my bag down before I am being bombarded with tales of their day! I love being a mom to these kids and a wife to that wonderful man. It makes all the other crap seem not so bad.

~ JAM

A life of contradiction

2011-12-15T01:11:00.003+03:00

My parents were divorced when I was 5. Their divorce was not a big event in my life because I don't ever remember them being married. It was normal to me to spend the weekends with my dad and trade out holidays between parents/families.

What did impact my life was the total and complete dissimilar lives I had with each parent. Both of my parents started seeing other people pretty early on and each went onto be with those partners for many years.

Life with my mom was simple. Ok, so, we were poor. We moved from place to place often as the financial situation changed. My father, on the other hand, was not poor. While my life at mom's was about paper plates and peanut butter, life at my dad's house was laid out on china and filled with caviar. The only real similarity between my two worlds were that both of my parents were committed to alcoholics.

What am I getting at here? I don't know. When my family and I moved over seas, it was so scary. We had no idea what we were doing, how it was going to turn out or if we would survive doing it. We sold everything we had, packed up 8 suitcases and set out on a new adventure. AND IT WAS FANTASTIC.

I miss our life. I miss our friends. I miss my job and the respect I received for doing that job. Being home, I feel worthless and insignificant. I am embarrassed to tell people what I do for a living. I feel like I need to wear a t-shirt that advertises my degree so people know I am better than what I actually do. I feel so shallow.

I wear designer clothes and drive a nice car but can't pay my rent. I can't share what we are going through with anyone in my daily life because it is just too difficult. How can I go to the State and ask for assistance while carrying a designer hand bag (that I've had since I was in 11th grade - aka: since the dawn of time)? How can I justify taking a hand out (that we really desperately need) when I am wearing a $1500 tennis bracelet (that was an anniversary gift 3 years ago)? I am not willing to give up these material possessions. They are reminders of a better life and a happier time. In some sad stupid little way, they give me hope. Hope that we will be in that situation again and this time will do things differently.

I've lived a life of contradiction since I was 5, so why is it so difficult to do now? Why do I feel like I need to justify myself to everyone I meet? I hate this life. I don't want to do this anymore.

This post is so schizophrenic. Sorry. Just trying to get some of this shit out of my head.

I've been on my knees

2011-12-10T08:40:00.003+03:00

When we left the Middle East, I turned and looked into my empty home where we made a life for 6 years and with tears streaming down my face, I asked the Universe to please have a plan for us. If I had known that this current life was that plan, I would have wished for the plane to crash on the way here.

What the fuck did we do to the Universe to be left like this? Positive thoughts, prayers, networking...it's all bull shit.

I think he is sick and by his not getting this job, I fear that his health will really decline. I am so freaking scared. I can't pay our rent at the end of this month. Forget Christmas.

Still Recovering Form my Thanksgiving Food Coma but my Hair Still Looks Great!

2011-11-25T23:04:00.003+03:00

Wow!

I have enough left overs at my house to feed the family for another week! OMG! It was all so freaking good. I am so happy I know how to cook! LOL!

Yah, so, I am at work today. Yes, it is black Friday and I am at work. I am getting a boat load of crap done but I sure could have slept a little more this morning! But I am getting paid and that is important.

It is amazing how a life can change so much in one year. Both for the good and for the worse. I am trying really hard to see the silver lining in the changes that have occurred over the last year and while it is getting easier, I still have a lot of resentment and anger toward the situation and the ass hole who "caused" it.

I have never been in this situation before. Even when we were a single income family before, we were always able to buy things for the kids when they needed them. Now, I won't even go to McDonalds because I just can't justify spending the $5 that could go toward our rent. Our savings has held on for a while and served us well, but it is dry now. It is scary a hell and it couldn't have run dry at a worse time of year. How the hell am I going to explain to the kids that we will probably not have a tree this year and all those really cool toy commercials they see on TV need to be ignored?

I don't kow. I haven't completely lost faith because I still send a small prayer up to the Universe every night begging for something to happen but I am not dealing very well with waiting to see what tomorrow will bring. I need to know my family will be ok now. Not tomorrow, not next week but NOW. Yesterday would have been better, but I will settle for NOW.

So, here it goes: Please allow for my husband's resume to jump off someone's desk and slap them in the face so that he can get a job in the next week so that we can pay our rent and possibly buy our kids new shoes and maybe a few toys for P-man's birthday and Christmas. Please. It's not much to ask for, is it? That's all I really want for Christmas.

WTF People?

2011-11-17T05:58:00.004+03:00

Wow! A lot has happened since my last post. Most notably, I got a job. Yes, thank you. I appreciate the excitement you must be feeling and expressing internally. I like my job. I think. I am not sure. The work is monotonous and simple but there is a lot of it. I am way over qualified for it but it was all I could find, so here I am. I do, however LOVE the company I work for. I believe in the mission and admire how they grow from within and give people opportunities they never would have had in other companies.

Oh! There is a point to my post. Sorry....

Because of my job, I am now commuting about 40 minutes each way to and from work every day. This allows me ample time to analyze, stare in amazement and sometimes laugh out loud at the idiots that drive along the I-15 south every week day morning. OMG, can I tell you there are some first class idiots out there!?!?!?

But, my main question is this....... Probably 60% of the people I know hate their job. If that is true of the general public, why in the hell is everyone in such a damn hurry to get to work in the mornings? Seriously. Think about that next time there is a jack ass (or you are the jack ass) riding someone’s on the two-lane road leading out of town to the freeway. Why are you in such a damn hurry to get to a place you don't like being at in the first place? Really.

What makes an American?

2011-03-22T18:56:00.002+03:00

This question has been weighing on me for quite some time. While we were overseas, we were exposed to a multitude of cultures and nationalities but as soon as anyone found out we were American a certain awe overcame the group and there was always at least two people in the group that mentioned their family member(s) that were living in the US.

What struck me as odd and really kind of upset me were the number of people who claimed American citizenship but were clearly not American. This would irritate the fire out of me because I never understood how one could claim to be American when they had no idea what being American was ALL about.

But what makes an American? Am I more American than my husband because I have native American Indian blood pulsating through my veins? No, that's not it. Is it because I know that deep seeded feeling of pride that rips through my body on the fourth of July? No, I don't think that is it either.

But what is it?

Can you claim to be American if you are a first generation immigrant? What if you are second or third generation? What if your family has lived in America for 50 years, you don't speak with an accent and you follow baseball but you still celebrate Diwali and eat curry every night? Are you less an American than I? I don't know.

I find it sad that anyone would toss their heritage aside to claim they are someone/something else just for the status of it. It still irritates me that people that are clearly not American claim to be; but why?

What makes an American? I don't know. Is it a feeling? Is it a knowledge that you are born with knowing that you belong here? Is it the feeling you get when you see the glorious and beautiful stars and stripes flying high above the ground that fills your heart with hope and pride? Is it because you know where the purple mountains are and have seen them and wept at the beauty of your country?

I don't know. You tell me. What makes an American?

This isn't how it was supposed to end up

2011-01-24T04:13:00.003+03:00

I am frustrated, pissed off and upset. This isn't how life was supposed to end up for us. We were not supposed to spend 6 years in the Middle East only to have our contract cancelled in the middle and then sent home to be homeless, jobless and wondering if it was all just a freaking dream.

I feel cheated and shat upon and really just want to scream at someone.

I am really trying to make a life for us here but without a permanent home, it all feels so temporary. I can't do (this) without a job...I can't do (that) without a house....I can't even tell my kids if they will get to stay with the great friends they are making because I don't know where we will live. The mortgage person is absolutely not communicating with me and I have no idea where we stand in that process. It isn't supposed to take a month to get approved for a mortgage is it? I can't go somewhere else because I don't have my husband here to sign all the papers again. This woman is holding our future in her hands and she doesn't seem to give a rats ass about how her lolly gagging is affecting a family.

I feel like I am going to go insane. It is quite possible I may bite someone in the next few days.

~ JAM

oh and have I mentioned that I am sick and tired of having to register to see what freaking jobs are available in the area? SICK AND TIRED of it!

Life in California

2011-01-15T04:13:00.002+03:00

Wow. It's been almost 2 weeks and we seem to be settling in. The kids and I are living with my wonderful father-in-law again and are trying to make the most of it. It is difficult putting my kids to bed on the floor every night but it is a home and we are safe and happy for now.

I think I have saturated the internet job market here with my resume and am going to have to hit the pavement next week. I am thinking of going back to school though as I can not visualize how the school schedules, sports practice and girl scouts will fit in with a standard 8 - 5 job.

The house hunting process is going slowly. Our mortgage application still has not been approved even though we started it in November. This is making everything difficult. I had to go ahead and enroll the kids in school in the district my father-in-law lives in and I know we won't stay in. This breaks my heart because they are making friends and are very happy with their schools.

It will work out, right?

JAM

Please for the love of Pete, stop asking me if I am excited!

2010-12-14T15:20:00.003+03:00

I don't know if we are fully prepared for the reverse culture shock that is about to hit us. I am especially concerned with my 13 year old son. I am so worried his new peers will not be able to relate to him or he to them.

I've just been through the cabinet I kept all of our travel documents and what nots in. How is it going to be for a child who has traveled almost the entire world, can speak French and Arabic and has seen things others don't even know exist when he tries to fit in with children who have never left their State? Some of our friends sent their high school junior home because they thought he would do better finishing out his schooling in the States. He was back in less than a month because he couldn't relate to his friends any more. This worries me.

An International move is so much more than packing your things and getting a new house. There is all this emotional turmoil that goes along with it also. Others tend to over look that part of it.

In the mean time, I still have half a house to pack up and two going away parties to attend tonight. It should be fun.

~ JAM

First day at home - aka unemployeed

2010-12-01T13:55:00.003+03:00

So, I am back to my title of Domestic Engineer. Unfortunately, I have so much to do to prepare for this move that the previous portion of the job description that included paying attention to my kids has been deleted. That part is not nice.

Today some people came by and picked up the furniture they purchased as well as half my house plants. My down stairs living room is EMPTY. It is weird. I find that I have an unnatural and almost spiritual connection to our things. I found myself hoping that the family who bought my couches and tables would take good care of them as if they were living and breathing things.

A few people have been kind of jerks and want to come to the house and tour every room, find every tiny and minor flaw in the furniture then negotiate a "better" price when everything is clearly marked and we've told everyone it is non-negotiable. The prices we are asking are extremely reasonable and we are taking a HUGE hit on everything. Do people not understand how difficult this is to do? Do they not understand the emotional strain that making an International move puts on a family? Then to come in and add to that strain by negotiating over a tiny hairline scratch on a piece of furniture? I find it disrespectful and insulting. I have been telling these people to leave my home and not come back.

But maybe I am just insane.

JAM

Do you REALLY want to know how I am doing or are you just being nice?

2010-11-29T13:43:00.003+03:00

Seriously people. We have a 9000 square foot house FULL of furniture to sell; three vehicles to sell; additional crap to pack; three dogs to find homes for; two cats to find homes for; no house in the States; no vehicle in the States; no driver licenses in the States; no job in the States.....

How the hell do you think I am doing?

Are you kidding me?

2010-11-28T13:05:00.004+03:00

So, I am looking for a job online - I know! You don't have to tell me how terrible of an idea this is, but really, I have no other choice - anywho...I am looking for a job online and I come across a job opening for a "Courtesy Clerk". I am desperate, obviously, because I am using Monster.com, so I click on this opening to read the job description and this is what it says:

"Provides superior customer service. Greets customers, bag groceries, helps customers out to their cars and collects empty carts for return to the store. Other duties include sanitation, price checks, stocking of bags at the checkstands, cleaning of spills"

Seriously? Since when did a grocery store SACKER become a Courtesy Clerk? What the hell?

This is just one in a long line of messed up job titles that don't fit the damn job description. I am finding it increasingly difficult to even search for a job because I have no idea what sort of convoluted job title to type into the search function! I've tried typing in "super woman " but surprisingly, the search came back empty. Guess that job is taken.

I should return the cape but I'm keeping the darn t-shirt....

Well, I'm a Girl. I'm allowed to change my mind.

2010-11-07T11:12:00.003+03:00

There have been so many changes since January when I said I was going to quit blogging. I feel the need to do a brain dump and get some of these crazy pent up feeling out of my head.

As some of you know (if you are still checking in?), we are embarking on a new journey in a few weeks and moving back to the USA. This was not a choice we made but more of a choice made for us. We learned that the Military contract my husband is working on was canceled abruptly while we were on summer vacation with our family. We have been told that we have through December to make arrangements to either move home or find other employment.

Since I have been unhappy at work for a while now and since we really miss our family and our home, we decided, with the rest of the family, to move back to the States.

Can I just say, moving back to the States during a terrible economic crisis might be great for buying a home, but is terrible for finding a job and feeling secure that you will be able to continue those house payments after the savings runs out; because you know it will.

Can you say stress? Hence, I am back to blogging. This should be fun.

The end

2010-01-02T08:24:00.002+03:00

I don't have time anymore to keep up with this blog. It served it's purpose for me and for some of you but it is over now.

Thank you to those of you who have supported me over the years. I will leave the blog up for a while longer so I can collect some things, but will eventually remove it completely if Blogger has that sort of capability.

Thanks - JAM

I miss Fall

2009-09-13T15:32:00.004+03:00

I love Fall. Every thing about Fall is wonderful - even the sneezing it induces in me. I just love it. The pumpkins are ripening up and the air is turning cool and crisp. The leaves are turning and everything seems to settle into a clam nap before the Winter.

Right now, my friends are unboxing their light weight sweaters and pulling out their pretty dress boots. They are hanging their jackets by the front door because they will need them in the mornings.

This is the time of making soup and the constant smell of cinnamon and cloves in the house. This is the time that the kids like to snuggle in the evenings because it is just cool enough to feel like you can cuddle forever. This is the time where the flannel jammies come out and the fuzzy slippers. This is the time of high school football games and cool Autumn evenings where everyone is cheering on their team....chanting cheers and jumping up and down screaming until they loose their voice just to help get "Johny" to the in zone. Hats and gloves and blankets sit in the back seat or the trunk of cars ready for next Friday night's game and hot chocolate is sold at the concession stand.......

I love fall.

It was 89 this morning at 7 am and 109 this afternoon when I drove home at 3:30. Fall doesn't come here. It turns into a mild summer here, but not Fall.

I always get so sad this time of year and this is when it is most difficult or me to deal with being here. The pangs of home sickness kick in full throttle right about now every year and I spend my days longing to hear the rustling of the yellowed leaves on the trees.

If you know me and come into contact with me over the next few weeks, please forgive me. I am just not myself this time of year.

I really miss Fall.

Back to the basics

2009-08-02T09:22:00.007+03:00

I started this blog four years ago to work through my mixed up feeling about moving here to the Middle East. We've been here almost four years and I can't even remember what my initial feelings were when we got here.

I have grown a lot since being here and I am a completely changed person. I remember that I used to be afraid to speak up for myself and stand up to anyone. Living here has brought out the more aggressive woman in me because now, if you try to skip the queue in front of me, I will let you know that you are mistaken and you need to step back.

I am still a friendly and happy person. I still smile at everyone. It irritates me to no end when I get that "down the nose" stare with the eye rolling from some of the covered women though. I am still absolutely awestruck when I am greeted with that "I am a million time better than you" attitude that seems to be the underlying attitude of some of these women. I don't get it really.

My four years here have taught me that home is where you make it. I have learned that you can make a life anywhere and it all depends on your attitude. If you take yourself out of your comfort zone and keep an open mind, keep smiling and finding the beauty in your life, it doesn't matter where you are. I have learned that there are certain aspects of other cultures that do and always will confuse me and I am OK with that. I have also learned that just one friendly word to the right person here and you have made a friend for life. It thrills me to no end when one of the local girls asks if we can have coffee or comes to my office for a visit. It is so wonderfully refreshing to see the hopefulness and determination in their eyes.

Life here is privileged. I often say that living here is like living at home but with a bigger house and a better view. I don't have to wear a head cover and I can drive (of course, if you ask my husband, he may argue with that last statement). I do have to get my husband's permission to do certain things and have to have a written note of support from him sometimes. This is not really a big deal to me though because we make big decisions as a team, so I would always talk to him about whatever it is I need anyway. I have my own bank account, own my own vehicle and can dress as I wish.

AAAHHHH...dress code. Well, the most common question I get is "What can I wear?" My answer is always that you can wear whatever you want, but keep in mind that this is a Muslim country and while you may go out in t-shirt and shorts, it is not common here, so you may be made to feel uncomfortable. I keep a mind to be respectful while still trying to express my fashion personality. I always wear an undershirt so not to show cleavage. I do not wear short skirts - I wouldn't anyway though because I am a 35 year old mother of three, I have no business wearing a short skirt. Sleeveless and spaghetti strap is fine if you don't mind catching cold from the air con in the buildings, but again, it is not the norm here, so you will be made to feel uncomfortable. The simple solution is to wear an undershirt or take along a wrap or jacket. The key is to blend in with your surroundings. The one single thing that irritates me about trying to dress here is the SHOES. They are obsessed with shoes here, which is unusual because you can not find a decent pair of shoes in this entire country! You are either stuck with having to take out a loan to buy the designer shoes (which are usually spike heeled and shiny - I HATE shiny shoes) or you get cheap plastic crap shoes that might look cute but will fall apart after 2 wears. The shoes people! I hate the shoes here! Oh, and the hand bags. Seriously. Buckles, lame’ and patent leather? Are you for real? Not to mention that you can't find a normal sized hand bag. They all look like over night bags that Liberachi would carry to his last Vegas show. It's terrible. But I digress.......

I love the desert - hate the heat. There is nothing more beautiful than the sun setting over the gigantic sand dunes as the call to prayer reminds us that another day has passed and we have so much to be thankful for. The driving is a bit hectic and scary. All those years of my mom's defensive driving lessons have come into play here. Thank goodness my mom was a driver's education teacher! I struggle with language and the different versions of English that are used here. The grocery stores are adequate and life is pretty normal. I don't know. I feel at home. I am comfortable. I wish my family and friends were closer, but even if we were in the US, I wouldn't see them any more than I do now. I miss having four seasons. There is no fix for this problem. The best we can do is leave during the peak summer heat and hope that the cooler weather will arrive soon after we get back. The cooler months provide days and days of amusement when you see everyone in parkas in 60 degree (Fahrenheit) temperatures though! This still makes me chuckle.

The local people are friendly almost to a fault, if you give them a chance. The third world workers can be a bit jarring, but a lot of them are just lonely and awestruck (or maybe disgusted) by a blue eyed, fair skinned red headed westerner. It can be a bit discerning when every man you pass stares a hole through you as if you were a prostitute in front of a Mormon church. I've learned to not make eye contact and to just be on with my business. OK, so sometimes when I am feeling a bit pissy, I pull out my phone and pretend to take their photo. They usually stop looking when I do that.

This is kind of long winded and so jumpy. Sorry. There is so much I wish I could say but I am just having a very difficult time putting it to words. It is like the book "A New Earth" where the Arthur writes about how we use the vowel "I" to try and describe what makes us and how that one little letter just can't possibly describe the being within. That is how I feel about this place.

Don't get me wrong, it is not all roses and bad shoes. I have really bad days where I would love nothing more than to pick my window seat and head for home, but those days are outnumbered by the good days. That is what makes it worthwhile. When the day comes that I am begging to go home that is when I will go home. For now, I am just thankful for this opportunity to be here and to get to know about life here. I wish I had more time to visit more often and really experience a more genuine local life here. Unfortunately, I have to pay for that vehicle that I purchased in my name.........

Back to the grind

2009-07-29T09:07:00.002+03:00

We've just returned from the most relaxing and wonderful vacation ever and now I am back, sitting at my desk, wishing I were somewhere else.

Why is it that I firmly believe that if you are not happy, you need to make a change to get closer to your own happiness, but I just can't seem to bring myself to quit this job? I can tell you why.

I LOVE the people I work with. LOVE them. I could not have hand picked a better group of people to spend my days with. They are genuine, funny, smart and caring and I really enjoy being around them. I also LOVE my pay check. I know it is small and petty of me, but I do. I love to get paid. This is the first job where I actually feel like I am being paid fairy for the work I do.

I just dislike my hours and I dislike the ups and downs here at this job. I have been toying with the idea of reducing my hours (and pay) to a 30 hour work week, but I am a supervisor, but I am having this really big internal morality fight with myself over it. I am really good at my job and I know I could produce 40 hours of work in 30 hours. I have absolutely no problem bringing it all to the table when it is needed. I don't know. I think I really need to sit down with HR and my manager and have a serious long talk about this. I think it would be beneficial to all of us if I could somehow pull this off. I just don't want there to be any animosity with my team or the other teams because I leave early every day.

Ho hum.....

Stir Crazy and the Storm Front

2009-07-02T09:35:00.002+03:00

I’ve been having these almost panicky feelings for about a year now and I can’t help but feel something is about to burst. I am scratching at the walls trying to escape this little box I feel like I have been trapped in. I flip flop between making rash decisions and holding back for the right opportunity; all the while I am drowning myself in what I think is misery because of this weird uneasy feeling I have about myself. I think I hate my job, but I’ve never had a job I loved, so I have no idea what that feeling is. I also have no idea what would make me happy to work. I do know, however that I am not a stay-at-home mom type. Been there, tried that and really did not enjoy it. I know that I do not like working a full day though but I do like getting paid for a full day….. Conundrum.

I’ve read too many inspirational, life changing books which might be part of the reason I am feeling this way. I’ve faced one of my biggest fears and it felt absolutely awesome. I want more. I want to throw caution to the wind and quit my job and become a free spirit making jewelry and flower arrangements. I want to go organic, install solar panels on my roof and reduce my carbon footprint. I want to learn to skate board and surf! I want to be able to wear black fingernail polish without someone asking me if I worship the devil or being called “haram” (Arabic for forbidden) . I want to wear a sleeveless summer dress without everyone staring at me (because heaven forbid your eyes should fall upon bare shoulders). I want to listen to my music too loud and smoke in public without being judged by every single damn person who sees me. I want to walk around the mall with my absolutely awesome son and his 4 inch high Mohawk without everyone looking at us like we are a circus act.

Maybe since I didn’t really rebel when I was a child, my internal teenager is trying to break free now? I don’t know. What I do know is I would love nothing more than to dye the tips of my hair cool-aid red, get about 4 more tattoos in unhidden places, own some black lipstick and paint skulls on the side of my big black government looking momburban. On the flip side, I want to move to the beach, wear my bathing suit all day long and dive and surf all the time. The question is; would I still feel this way if I weren’t here? Is this what I should have gone through 15 years ago, or is this a direct result of living in a conservative and traditional country that revolves around religion (an institution I do not necessarily subscribe to).

OK, so I do take some things and down size them so I can express myself more subtly. I have a stuffed Jack skull from The Nightmare before Christmas hanging from the rear view mirror of my truck. I painted my nails black last night. I get henna tattoos in strange places every opportunity I get. I cuss. Most of my t-shirts have skulls on them and I listen to Marylin Manson sometimes. OK, so I might look like a poser to one of those teen agers/twenty somethings who are free to express themselves at their own leisure, but damn!

Anyone who grew up with me knows that I have had little, if any, opportunity to express myself in any way shape or form because my father had an idea of what kind of a girl I should be and so, I wore a lot of dresses and I had framed art work up on my bed room walls. It wasn’t bad, really. My father has excellent taste and I was frequently complimented fro my wardrobe. I think it is catching up with me now though. It is kind of a little late. I mean, you really don’t want to be going through a phase like this when you are 35. Or maybe you do.

Sometimes this life gets to me

2009-06-29T14:59:00.002+03:00

I spend my days at work wishing I were someplace else. I spend my weekends at home busy running from here to there and dreading Sunday morning.

I need a vacation.

7 days ago, I was a different person

2009-06-15T13:23:00.000+03:00

There are a few times in life, if you’re lucky, where you have a moment that makes you think “AAHH HAAAA, I finally get it!”

My first AAHH HAAA moment was the day I saw my husband the first time, and I have relived that moment several times over the 16 years we have been together.

There have been other moments too, but my most recent moment has completely turned my life upside down. It all began with me drinking way too much on a Tuesday night after a really crap day at work and agreeing that I would take diving lessons and get my certification. I woke up the next morning thinking “What the hell did I say last night?” then hoping David wouldn’t remember.....

He remembered.

I am terrified of the Ocean. Well, not just the Ocean, but ALL natural water. When I was about 8, my family and I were in Galveston playing in the water and I was stung by several man-to-war. The entire bottom half of my body was covered in the blue and purple stinging creatures and their tentacles were wrapped around my legs. My step-father had to remove some from my legs and we spent an evening in the hospital. It was a traumatic experience. From that day on, I never really went back into the Ocean. I would go with David but I could not let my feet touch the bottom and I hung on his back the entire time. If anything touched my leg, that was it - I did my best impression of David Hasselhoff in the Sponge Bob Movie and was out of the water before you could blink. So, my agreeing to DIVE in the Ocean was HUGE.

So, 7 days ago, I started kitting up to voluntarily get in the Ocean with water above my head, not hanging onto David’s back, and with everything else the lives in the Ocean - weather it touched my legs or not. I was terrified. I cried for about 20 minutes before we got on the boat, but I had to do it. I had to at least see if I could swallow that fear and get in that water.

7 days ago, I was terrified to the point of hyperventilation of the Ocean.

7 days ago, I cried because I was scared.

7 days ago, I wanted to stay comfortable in my little box.

7 days ago, I jumped in the water.

7 days ago, I did something I never thought I could ever do.

7 days ago, I faced my fear, and 7 days ago, I tore that box to shreds.

My life has changed. I will never be the same person ever again. Never.

My AHH HAA moment came after the exhaustion of the physical activities of the weekend and my adrenalin levels dropped down to those of a semi normal person. I though how can I go through life settling on being comfortable because it is what I ‘think” I should do? How can I sit here and tell myself that a mediocre existence is OK for me when just a week ago, I put aside every feeling of caution and fear, closed my eyes and jumped in?

I can’t say that I will now be frolicking in the surf the next time we go to some random beach and not get those feelings of fear creep up on me, but I will at least frolic. I will no longer let fear stop me from enjoying time with my family.

This has lead me to the realization that I need free myself from this job that I really dislike. I will let go of the good salary and excellent company benefits and I will move on. I have never liked the office life. I have always wanted to be mobile and sociable. I can’t thrive in an office. I start out strong and last about a year or two then I slowly start dieing like a plant you forget to water a few too many times. The hours are ridiculous and the time is just not worth it to me. The money and benefits are not going to get me more time with my kids......

What kind of example am I setting for my kids if I continue to get up grumpy and sulk into this job that does nothing for my soul. How can I tell my kids to reach for their dreams when I am not doing that myself because of comfort and the fear of stepping outside that comfort zone? I can’t look my daughter in the eye and tell her that I will be late coming home yet again so I can’t read with her. Life is more than money and the job you do. Life is about living. I am so ready to live again. I am over being scared.

(Not to mention the fact that my working hours are completely NOT conducive to having a good diving schedule!)

Exhauated to the point of being dilerous (not repsonsible for spelling errors)

2009-04-28T17:12:00.001+03:00

I hate coming home late and finding out no one has even considered dinner.

Life's Decisions

2009-04-27T21:22:00.000+03:00

Have you ever been hit in the head by the realization that you have made a colossally bad decision in your life that is easy to fix, but you are in the wrong position to do so?

It happened to me today.

I should have taken my father's advice and perused my degree in teaching.

I have always wanted to do something that helps people. I have always wanted to be a part of something bigger. What is bigger than teaching a child to learn? What is bigger than being a positive influence on a child's life?

I am kicking myself tonight. (And hoping my father never reads this because I really don't want to hear the "i told you so".)

All my friends are teachers; I seek out jobs in schools; I love kids.... duh, Jennifer.

Crap.

Yes, I still exist

2009-03-03T13:05:00.002+03:00

Hey y'all. I am here. Still alive, but finding it difficult to find the time to post anything. I have a lot to say, of course, just not the will to write it down.

The schools in this town are pathetic and we are still fighting that battle. We've applied at the only school left that we would even consider and I will rock up to campus for our "interview" with my tail between my legs, because I have resisted enrolling the kids there for 4 years now. I am still of the mind that all of the parents that are not happy, should pool our money together and start our own school that is run by like minded people and encourages brain based learning.

The other thing that is in the forefront of my mind is that I am once again gaining weight. Not happy about that at all. I actually have a huge post to write about this, but don't have time. I am at work and the IT dudes are standing behind me....

GOTTA GO!

~JAM

Sorry People; So Sorry

2008-12-28T11:50:00.002+03:00

OK, so I haven't written a thing in almost 4 months. There's a reason....

MY LIFE IS BORING!!!

There is nothing to write about. I mean, yeas, I could b!tch about the schools some more - because they deserve it. I could write about how our Ramadan and Christmas holidays went, but that's just too darn personal.

I've been so busy at work for the last few months that I come home, barely eat anything then go to bed. I don't remember what my kids look like, and there is this man sleeping in my bed who looks vaguely familiar, but I can't remember his name...... Yes, I have been that busy.

I am looking for a new position that has shorter and more consistent hours but with close to the same pay I get now - which is a pipe dream and near impossible to find.

I am just working, trying to keep my family together and feeling very tired. Got to spend some time with my girlfriends lately which has been WONDERFUL - darn I miss those ladies!

That's about it.

Oh and whoever you are "whoissecretdubai", the answer is NO, I don't know the identity of that blogger, and even if I did, I would not tell you. There is a reason the blog is anonymous so back the hell off.

Allright, that's it from me until something exciting happens.

Peace out......

JAM

In my own way....

2008-09-01T05:50:00.003+03:00

Ramadan Kareem

**********************************************************************************************

It is not a good beginning to a week when you start it out by dealing with people of low intelligence with a slight glimmer of hope that they will help you in your plight to provide your child a quality education.

No, yesterday did NOT GO WELL. But I am not going to air it out here.

What I do want to say here is that I am thinking of all of my family and friends in the Southern US right now who are about to get pounded by Gustav. I hope you were all remembering Katrina and got out of there safely. I love you and wish I were there to help.

They're coming to take me away ha ha....

2008-08-30T19:09:00.003+03:00

They're coming to take me away ho ho...
To the funny farm.......
Where life is beautiful all the time...

OK, so, tomorrow is the first day of school.

I have my abaya in the ready and my "Don't you dare cut in front of me" face has been practiced.

Wish me luck.......

HI PANCAKE! (you know who you are) ;)

Becoming Mrs. Robinson

2008-08-18T07:59:00.006+03:00

No, I am not having an affair with a younger man....Not with any man to be exact (I am very married and still head over heels in love and lust with my husband), but when did I become the "older woman"?

While we were in the USA, we had an absolute ball. I took my kids to their very first baseball game. How cool is that? It was awesome for the kids, but it slapped me in the face, bringing about the realization that I am getting older. Seems silly, but when I was a teen ager and in my early 20's, I LOVED baseball. My step-father would take me to the games so often that we had season tickets to see the Houston Astros every year. I used to yell and scream and flirt and feel so young and excited at those games.

This summer, for the first time, I felt old. All because of that darn baseball game. I used to be the same age as those players. This summer, I was reading the little program they give you at the gate and realized that I am now 15 years older than all those boys. Yes, they are all boys. It is so funny. I feel great, I look OK, and in my mind, I am still that energetic 20 year old who could get away with anything. Realizing that I am now 15 years older than these boys kind of shattered that little part of me that thought I was still young enough to still get away with being silly.

I am a wife and mother now. I am in my 30's!!!! ha ha ha! No, that doesn't worry me. I am having the time of my life in my 30's and I would not want to go back to being younger (only wish I had that body back....), but it is the realization that i have crossed a minor threshold that has me a little shaky.

I am definitely not worried, sad or anything. It's just an observation that kinda slapped me in the face this summer, that's all!

There's No Place Like Home

2008-07-24T12:36:00.004+03:00

We are heading home for a few weeks.

I'll see ya'll on the flip side..........

A little information.......

2008-07-20T07:42:00.003+03:00

OK, I am getting a TON of messages about housing and animals and this and that. I don't mind, because I remember how it was when we were first coming here and how unknown everything was. Unfortunately, I can not give much information on a lot of these subjects. We moved here three years ago. My husband found our house, he did all the leg work and when the kids and I arrived, we dropped our bags, and went to sleep.

Three years ago, housing was affordable. Now, it is not. By not affordable, I mean you can almost guarantee that whatever your allowance is from your company, you will need at least 10 - 20 % MORE (and probably more than that) to get a home that you want. That said, I do not know anything about any of the housing complexes, flats, or compounds. I don't know anyone who lives in a flat or complex, and I have never been into one. So sorry. Don't let this discourage you though. I am hearing of some families that are getting lucky and finding a "gem in the rough", so be persistent and be patient. The hotels here are used to extended stay guests and are very welcoming and comfortable if you need to stay for an extended amount of time.

As far as animals go, all of our animals are rescues from here, so I do not know the process of bringing an animal here with you. I do know that the British vet in Abu Dhabi issues passports for animals and will help you with vaccinations and such. They are very good and reliable. There is a link on their page with information on how to bring your pet into the UAE and vice versa.

Good luck with your move everyone. Sorry I couldn't have been more help.

FISH!!!

2008-07-01T09:32:00.004+03:00

So sorry for not posting about where I get my fish! It has been a while since I visited my local guy and I just simply forgot to post!

Well, he is in Zakher - out on the road that runs parallel to the Zoo - across from the Sheikh Zayed Mosque in the Co-Op shopping center. There is a vegetable shop and then the fish place is right next door.

From the Zoo, you want to head away from Sanaiya. The next round about from the Zoo will have an ADNOC on your right (just around the corner) - go straight through this round about. You will go over a speed bump about half way down - it's a big one, so SLOW DOWN! You will eventually see Shaikh Zayed Mosque on the right then a round about. Do a U-turn at this round about (it is called the Zakher RA) and stay in your right hand lane. Turn into the Co-Op parking lot and head toward the left. The shop is on the end strip of the shopping center.

Heading away from Sanaiya toward Tawam street, if you get to the Public school on the right, a big speed bump and LuLu fried chicken, you have gone too far. Heading into Sanaiya, if you get to the speed bump then eventually another speed bump and a round about that has an ADNOC on the top left corner, you have gone too far.

I have not been to him in about a month because I started eating more salmon which he does not carry. They speak very little English, but communicate very well with hand signals and pictures. Me being female, the men thought it hilarious to present me with baby octopus and very large squid just to see my reaction. They are a good bunch of guys and they have always been honest and great to do business with.

I do not take any responsibility for the quality of fish you may find there. Nor do I take any responsibility if you get sick eating anything from there. My family has not had any problems, but each person is different.....

A little more organic

2008-06-01T13:22:00.004+03:00

Well, I found a section of "organic" vegetables at Carrefour.........they were mostly rotten. i guess no one buys them. I, myself, do support the local farmers (at least what I HOPE is the local farmer) and buy fresh fruits and vegetables from guys on the side of the road selling watermelons, gourds, marrow, etc... out of their trunks (boots). I buy my fish form a local fish monger here in my neighborhood, but I only buy on his delivery day which is Monday. My meat comes from Choitram downtown, but I am not sure if it is organic. I do get my beef ground right there while I can watch and see what is going in there! Everything is Halal.

Soy milk, and rice milk are available here - which I use daily since milk and I do not get along. The problem is it is hard to find Low fat soy milk - or one without added sugar. I have started using "Rice Dream" rice milk and I like the taste, but it gets...........how do I say.............little chunks in it after a few days. Not rancid, but there is particulate matter in it. Kinda gross. I have not even looked for soy creamer. I don't use creamer, so i have never thought to look..... hhhmmm....I do like creamer, but stopped using it because of the added calories. Maybe I should look!

You can buy meat from the souk, but I can not stomach seeing it and thinking about how long it has been sitting there before I buy it...let alone weather or not the knife, counter or floor has been cleaned in the past year.......... I'm kinda weird like that.

I think that is it. I will let you all know if I find something else.

~JAM

Organics

2008-05-22T07:42:00.005+03:00

Organic products in Al Ain.........

Well, I will start by saying that you CAN recycle here, but it is not easy. Maybe Dubai and Abu Dhabi are more advanced with this, but little old Al Ain just ain't interested yet. There is a branch of the AD government called the EAD (Environment Agency - Abu Dhabi); as well as the EEG (Emirates Environmental Group). I am still sifting through the sites to find something about home recycling. I know our company uses a company who comes and picks up our paper waste, but I am not finding a home service - Also haven't had a good opportunity to REALLY sit down a look very well either.

Organic food products are showing up on shelves here and there. I can find Quoina and other organic grains. Organic dairy, is not readily available (at least not that i have found). I have switched over the rice milk but yogurts are difficult to find. i am lucky to find low fat plain yogurt half the time. Organic Muesli is available and organic spices are too.

Organic (or environmental friendly) cleaning supplies are also available here now! I found something called Bio-Green (or something or other) at Carrefour the other evening. The selection was small, but it was there! I read the labels and they were legitimate and made by a company out of Australia.

OK, before someone calls me on what I know as a legitimate environmental product - remember I have a degree in Environmental health and Safety, so please don't leave me hate mail and rude comments about it.

Organic cosmetics - I have not found them. I order my Bare Minerals and Lush bath products from the Internet. For Lush, I have to have it mailed to my mom in the USA and she forwards it onto me since Lush will not mail directly here (expiry dates on products).

I buy my bed sheets and some bath towels from Thailand at the Green Cotton shops there, and if I have friends going, I ask them to pick some up for me if I need to. A lot of people travel to Thailand frequently from here. it is inexpensive, beautiful, conveint and fun!

OK, I think I covered it.... If any of you ladies out there have found more Organics and Environmentally Friendly products, please let us know!

Thanks!
~JAM

Ha ha ha!! I LOVE you guys!

2008-05-19T16:42:00.003+03:00

It has been great reading all the comments about "you know what" ('cause I ain't talkin about it anymore...).

UmMohammed, NO!!! I never did get a response about the wet toilets! I asked some of the girls at my work and they just giggled and dropped the subject. I know that a lot of people know who I am, but that's OK. I don't necessarily want it broadcast all over the place, but I don't mind if you know either.

Sorry I don't write the way I used too. Life has just gotten in the way, you know? Darn! I used to be funny!

I do need say something right now...

"Dude in the little white car this morning driving down the Air Port road, I am sooooooo sorry. I made a terrible decision to turn out in front of you and I am sorry that I made you squeal your breaks. It scared the hell out of me too! I seriously did not judge that you were going that fast. My bad, dude. I am sorry. Thank goodness nothing serious happened. Ok, so I had to go home and change my pants, but that is minor compared to what could have happened. :)" ~JAM

Life's been good. My family and I have made a huge lifestyle change and are loving life now. I am thinking of starting a new blog about it. We are now official members of the Eat Clean club. We have changed the way we think about food and we ow eat to live, not life to eat. Shamless advertising: check out
www.eatcleandiet.blogspot.com

Anywho. That's my little tid bit of the day.

Thanks all of you for reading! It is so exciting to know someone out there is "paying attention"!

~JAM

Can of big fat worms......Open

2008-05-13T08:35:00.003+03:00

I avoided mentioning anything about schools for so long because I am very opinionated about all the schools here in Al Ain and am definitely not an objective person to ask about them.

On the other hand, I remember coming here to Al Ain and having that desperate feeling of panic because there is a great big black hole of nothingness as far as information goes for this lovely town. (And I really do mean Lovely - I am not being sarcastic - I love it here.)

My two anonymous friends, I am so sorry that there is not much information for you guys out there. It is a terrible situation to be in when you need to make these important decisions and I remember that feeling all to well.

Cairo girl, I will let you do the honors with Choifat information..... I tried and the darn post went on and on and on - heck, I could have published it as a short story! Needless to say, I would not send my children to Choifat if it were the last school on the face of the earth and I had to face a shooting squad on my knees with a blind fold. OK, so, I've gone a little far, but not too far....

Madar... Well, Madar is run by Edugates, and the man who runs Edugates is a former manager in the Sabis (Choifat) organization. Enough said.

Al Ain American School is owned by probably one of the nicest local men I have ever met in my life and the principal is an American lady who I happen to know. She is a wonderful educator and has beautiful credentials, but I have heard that her staff find it difficult to work with/for her. I do not know. I have no personal experience with this. The extent of my personal experience with AAAS is that a friend and I did the initial consultation with the owner over the summer before the school opened and made recommendations as to the curriculum and running of the school. I have spoken to one person who is sending her child there and they are very happy, but a fair representation of the overall quality, it is not. It is an American Curriculum. When my partner and I did the initial consultation with AAAS, we recommended that they use the Harcort school books and adopt a brain based learning/play to learn format. I do not know if this is what the school has done as my consultation with the school ended before the school was completed.

Emirates National School is the type of school that will take your breath away - kind of like a beautiful woman who walks into a crowded room. The facilities are state of the art and plentiful. The teachers are top notch (OK, so I am friends with over 50% of them....I am NOT bias!), and the current principal is a forward thinking practical dreamer who does the best with what she has. The problem? This school has issues in the management which they hope you don't notice because the bling of beautiful facilities is blinding you. The management is a contradiction to what the school is supposed to stand for and does cause issues in the classroom, but not so much so that it puts the children at risk. This year, the classes are randomly organized and therefore the level of learning in any given class is that of the lowest level child in the class. There are talks of reorganizing for next year - which would be a huge boost to the school if it happens. The change that needs to happen is that students should be grouped according to learning level and taught in stages so that the accelerated students can benefit from more stimulation, average students can continue to flourish at the correct level for them and below average students aren't frustrated with levels that are too difficult for them. This is just one problem. Within the teaching staff there are other issues caused by management. This makes for a difficult working environment for the teachers and therefore creates a higher turn over rate. Not something you want to see in a school, but from what I can gather, is quite a common phenomenon here in the gulf.

Future school - WOW. I really don't want to go there. I have extremely personal feelings about this school that are enormously negative. It all stems from the personal experience I had while working there for 7 months. The teachers are good, the facilities leave a lot to be desired (common toilets???) and the "management"....well..... The man who owns the school has a powerful family name and has wasta that is only talked about in fairy tales. Last time I said anything negative about the school, I was fired from my job and no one would hire me for almost a year after. That's all I will say.

As far as not being able to talk to your child's teacher, it is common practice here in Al Ain. I would guess that AAESS does not follow this practice, but it is not unique to ENS. The majority of the schools here in Al Ain have a no teacher contact policy and therefore employee someone called a parent liaison or a parent care officer who is the link between the teacher and the parent(s). I do not know why this practice exists. It is a point of HUGE frustration for most of us and no one can explain to me the reasoning behind this practice. It is ridiculous and stupid, if I may say so....

Ok, that's it. I am not talking about schools anymore, OK? I am finished. I am really scared that this entire post will somehow find me in my sleep and choke me. I have a car payment that needs to be paid for 5 more years and I can not afford to be fired from my job again.......

~JAM

Schools - if I must

2008-04-27T14:56:00.004+03:00

The big school question............

Well, my kids obviously go to a private school here in Al Ain. Are they happy with it? Yes, they are - because their friends go there. Am I happy with it? Sometimes. I think if half the teachers weren't my friends, and I didn't know all the behind the scenes upper management crap that goes on, I would be much more happy.

I worry.

Are my kids being challenged?
Are my kids being treated equally?
Are my kids learning anything?
Are my kids being pulled down to the lower level of their non English speaking peers?
Are my kids being picked on by the non western students?

These are just a few things that run through my head every morning when I drop them off at school.

The things is, I can not home school them - I tried (you can read about it somewhere in the July 2005 posts???), and there is really no other choice for them other than where they are right now.

Choifat? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I get sick just thinking about that school and it's so called teaching methods.

AAESS? Not going to happen. I have many issues with this school too - the biggest being that my kids are American and the curriculum just won't work for us.

FUTURE? I would rather gouge my eyes out with chop sticks.....I will leave it at that. I am sure the teachers are great and the curriculum is ok, if they are still using Harcourt, but ....well, I will just leave that alone - it is personal.

Emirates National School? Well, Hmmm......

Al Ain American School? Gosh............

They all have issues. Though Choufait has so many things wrong with it I can not even begin to touch on them in a blog post - and I won't.

Like I said, you just need to get here and choose for yourself. Seems most people flock to AAESS and think that is the ONLY school worth sending your kids to here. Not true.

You need to think about what you want your kids to get out of this experience too. Do you want your kids to experience this culture and the people of this country, or do you want your kids to be in their own little ex-pat bubble? How far are you willing to push yourself and your children to help them have a full experience that is memorable and safe? You also need to take in to consideration your child's abilities and how they cope with different situations. What is their academic level? Are they self starters? Do they cope with self study well or do they need more guidance? I find that my children are very self reliant and because of that, are doing well in a school that does not have a large number of expats in it. Some of our friends' children are not doing so well. It is not because they are not smart - far from that - they just require more one on one attention. You must consider these things when choosing a school.

It is all just a very personal subject and I can not tell you where to send your kids. What I can do is advise you to really think about what it is you want to accomplish while here and what it is you want your family to learn while here. What is the point of coming to this strange and beautiful country if you never step out of your comfort zone?

Better yet, what is the point of life if you never step out of your comfort zone?

~JAM

I am here....Just drowning in a sea of work!

2008-04-15T12:17:00.003+03:00

Hi!

As you may know, I started working again about 6 months ago and I do love my job! Thing is, right now we are so busy, I barely have time to call my parents in the States let alone type in the 'ole blog.

Life has been surprising the past week especially, and not in a good way. I will start by telling a bit of background:

We went to Paris over Easter weekend. It was a short trip, but we had so much fun. We loved Paris...until this week. Sounds strange since it has been 2 weeks since our trip right?

Well, someone somehow got hold of my ATM card number and PIN and started debiting my account yesterday. They did it 150 Euros at a time. Thanks goodness I get an SMS every time there is activity in my account because boom boom boom there it went and I started calling the bank in a complete panic!

You can never imagine the terrible feeling that comes over you when you are watching your hard earned money disappear out of your account as fast as you can blink and you can do nothing about it. You want to scream, cry and beat the hell out of someone all at once.

The bank was great at picking up on the activity and my phone started ringing with calls from the fraud department and customer service all trying to help me. Luckily, my card was deactivated before they could completely drain my account, but they were able to take out 600 Euros before it was closed. The little jerks debited cash every 30 seconds!!!

On top of all of that, this all happened while I was in the hospital getting x-rays because I BROKE MY LITTLE TOE early yesterday morning!!!!!

Needless to say, I was very happy to go to sleep last night and let the day end. This experience has made me appreciate that we do not rely on my salary for anything except my car payment and I am so thankful that it happened to me and not someone who does rely on their salary to live. Don't get me wrong, I am pissed off that it happened, but at least it didn't devastate us. I do want my money back and I would really like to meet these ass holes who did this.

The long awaited school post has been cut down to this: All the schools in Al Ain suck in their own way. You will just need to come here and visit them to decide which one sucks the least for you then take your chances there. And no, I do not think Al Ain English Speaking School is the best school.............you couldn't pay me to send my kids there, but like I said, all the schools here suck, so what are we going to do? If the curriculum isn't total crap, the teacher are crap and if the teachers aren't crap the management is. Schools should not have a management team! What the hell? My friends and I are desperate to open our own school with a true International Curriculum and a Western management team of EDUCATORS (cause apparently you have to manage your schools here).

There....that's my 2 cents. Let the slashing of my OPINIONS begin..........

~JAM

Thanks guys!

2008-02-27T19:28:00.003+03:00

I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who are reading.

I have started a HUGE post about schools here in Al Ain but am struggling with how much and what type of information to write in there. The few schools I have personal experience with I feel VERY NEGATIVELY about and I m finding it difficult to be objective about it. My beefs are of a personal nature and have little to do with the quality of teaching that goes on in these schools, so hopefully you can hang on a little longer for me to write more and edit and get it right.

I will tell all of you that my husband bought me the ginormous iMac recently and IT ROCKS!!!!!! I know it has nothing to do with anything, but just wanted to type it anyway....

~JAM

Life in the UAE and random other crap

2008-02-17T07:29:00.006+03:00

I need to start by stating that my sign in page is completely in Arabic now and I am pretty sure I flagged my own blog as having offensive material on it because I have no idea how to read Arabic.

This is just random crap that is spewing out of my brain. It makes no sense, but that's how my brain works:

That said, I thought I would like write a note about life here. It is a question I get all the time:
"How do you like living in the Middle East?" "What's it like?" as well as various other questions about if I have to cover and can I drive..... Seems I have talked about those things before......

HHHMMM...... I never know how to answer these questions because my brain has a tendency to be a bit of a smart ass (or is that my mouth?) and the first thing that usually pops in my mind is "Living in the Middle East is no different than living in any state away from your family and it is like living in Arizona in the summer, only the local men wear white dresses and the women wear black dresses." Then when I think about it, it is true. It really is not different than living anywhere that is away from your family. Not for me at least.

We are a bit spoiled here in the UAE because it is very open and not restrictive here. I am sure if we lived in Saudi (where they banned Valentines day) I would have a different attitude. But maybe not. I am a very open person and deal well with change. I adapt and basically get on with life as I need it to be.

My life in the US consisted of getting the kids to school then staying home to clean, cook and be generally bored. We didn't have enough money for me to do anything other than volunteer at the school in addition, I couldn't find a job because my degree scared employers into thinking they couldn't afford to pay me. I had one friend. She was very negative. My other friends lived in other states so I had no support net.

Here, my life consists of getting the kids to school, then I go to a job that I LOVE and spend the day with an office full of people that are creative and happy. My kids have friends who they adore and my husband is home every day at 2:30! I have a group of girlfriends who are wonderful and who I spend time with.

My every day life is very much the same as it would have been in the USA. The big difference here is our house, and our income. The interesting part of life here is when we go out in town and try to do or find things we are used to at home. This is the part of life here that frustrates the hell out of me and sometimes drives me to screaming fits in my car in the parking lot.

The things like standing in line at McDonald's. The locals (and the expats who have lived here too long) have NO CLUE what a line is. The other thing that irritates me is the constant line cutting and the complete disregard for others that the women especially show. Driving here is also an exercise in patience. I thought learning to drive on the busy freeways of Houston was difficult....... Learning to drive here is taking your life into your own hands. No common sense at all. Who the heck drives down the WRONG SIDE OF THE FREAKING STREET just to avoid having to do a "U" turn???? I mean, REALLY!

The part that is nothing like home here and never will be is the landscape. This is actually the part that drives me to tears a lot of the times. It is just plain hot. On top of it being hot, it is dusty. Yes, I know we are in the middle of the desert, but the sand everywhere is really depressing to me. It often feels like I live in the middle of a dust bowl. I do love the look of the sand and think the desert is beautiful, but when you come from a place that is lush and green and nature is free to run amuck, the sand and trees planted in perfect lines gets a little (or a lot) boring.

The only other thing that really irritates me about living here is the stares. Everyone stares at me. Men, women, children.....they all stare at me. Why? I don't know. The worker men though.....Oh my goodness......There are times when i feel like giving them the one finger salute. I never would (not even at home), but something needs to be done about this. I witnessed one of these men literally fall over his own foot because he was staring at a group of three teenagers (of Middle Eastern descent) greeting each other hello. It was disgusting.

You know, there are things that happen here (or don't happen here) that are the same things that happen all over the world. You hear about people being taken out into the desert and things happening to them, but that happens in the USA. As a western woman, I feel extremely safe here. I am not scared to walk in the evenings alone, I have never had that feeling of panic when I am alone in a parking garage and a man is walking toward me. I have never had that fear that I must lock my car door as soon as I get in the vehicle to prevent someone trying to pull me out and steel my car.

I have to have a letter from my sponsor to get a bank account, buy a car, have a cell phone, work, etc.... It so happens that my sponsor is my husband, but if my sponsor were my work, then the letter would need to be from my work so it has nothing to do with my husband being dominant. I don't shake hands with people anymore because it is forbidden for a man to touch any woman besides his wife. That is fine by me. I don't usually care for shaking hands anyway. I am typically ignored by my husband's local friends when we meet in a public place. Well that kind of bothers me, but still, it is not really that important to me either because I know they still see me and will remember the kids and me the next day when they ask about our family.

I get irritated at the ignorance and the lack of education I see here. I also get a huge kick out of the willingness of the Locals to share their stories.

I think there are days that I could never imagine living anywhere else but there are also days where I am ready to say "to hell with this" and catch the first flight to the US. The thing is, I felt the same way when we lived in New Mexico or Oklahoma. you have your good days and you have your bad days. What is important is the people you spend your days with. My family is here, so this is where I need to be. I have great friends here and we all support each other on those bad days. I miss my friends in the states, but I missed them while I lived there too.

Life is what you make of it. If you come here and find that you can't deal with it, then leave. If you come here and use the opportunity to learn and make friends (outside of your own nationality) and you explore and understand that you must be patient, then things will be ok here. it can be lonely and painfully isolating at times, but friends help ease that pain. I often remember back to when I was a stay-at-home mom in Roswell, NM and remember the terrible feelings of isolation I had there. It is better here. Given the choice between there and here, I choose here.

Schools, life and things

2008-02-09T20:15:00.001+03:00

I received a few comments on a previous post that were inquiring about schools in Al Ain. I will try my hardest to get on in the next few days and do a short run down of schools here. I just don't have the time right this minute...

My oldest son turned 10 recently.......I know....it is enough to make a mom's heart explode thinking about how quickly her chubby little toe headed baby boy is turning into a tall and handsome young man. I am so proud of him I could scream from Jabel Hafeet about it, but it would embarrass him, so I won't.

For all of those who know me personally, I am so sorry. Really, I do love all my friends and I think of you all often. Just because I don't e-mail daily (as I used to), it doesn't mean you are not on my mind.

I really really really love my job. I could not have dreamed (or is it drempt?) up a more suitable working environment for myself than what I have now.

I wanted to leave you with a photo of the beautiful camel who was kind enough to haul my goofy rear end across the desert this weekend but it seems that uploading is still going too slow right now. Wonder when those underwater cables will be fixed?

I will post again soon......Inshallah....... :)

Home for the holidays

2008-01-17T09:19:00.002+03:00

We went home for Christmas and it was wonderful. Of course, it was wonderful......because we have been away long enough to have that nostalgia feeling that life is perfect in our home country and have forgotten about all the crap we would have to deal with if we were there for good. But it was beautiful. i sometimes forget how beautiful the landscape of the USA is. it was so great to see nature doing what nature is supposed to do - being random and trees not growing in perfect rows.

Everyone was fine and good, and everyone was still very curious about life here in the UAE, but I guess that will never go away.

Back at work now after suffering with the flu the week we got home. A little word of advice: If you have the flu (accompanied by the obligatory high fever) DO NOT; I repeat, DO NOT; get on an airplane for 24 hours. It was freaking miserable. I am so sorry to everyone sitting around me. i really hope no one got sick. :)

The week has been just plain weird and amazing with all this rain. Seems that we are lucky here in Al Ain and don't have to take a motor boat to work! Sorry about you guys in Dubai and Sharjah.

The cool weather is just wonderful but I still don't see the need for a parka! It cracks me up to see these guys all bundled up like they are going skiing! I guess if I lived in the desert all my life, it would be different.....

I have a lot floating in my head, but of course think of it all at night then can't remember what it was in the morning to produce an interesting blog... Sorry. I need to start writing this crap down!

If anything pops into my head today, i will try to write.

~JAM

Oh my goodness! I may have a new reader!

2007-11-28T07:03:00.001+03:00

I just wanted to say hello to MY DAD!!!!! I sent him the address to the blog this morning!

Yes.......

I know........

Work is still great, life is still busy and there is nothing much more to write about now. EXCEPT that it is cooling off here finally.

I still need someone to explain to me why all the women feel the need to spray the entire toilet stall down with water before they leave...... Some insight would be good here, considering I leave the room with wet pant cuffs every day. It is really annoying.

Cheers!
~JAM

You said what?

2007-11-18T07:40:00.001+03:00

OK, well this morning, I came to the conclusion that I just don't care. If you know me, then you know me. If you THINK you know me, but you really don't then what I say and how I say it, may surprise (or offend) you - so be it. I am me. I understand that I need to watch what I say for the sake of my husband's job, but other than that.....well....piss off (and if you really know me, THAT should make you laugh).

There are things that I just need to get off my chest, so to speak, and typing in this silly little blog helped in the past, so why give it up now? The whole photo blog just isn't my thing. I don't have time to take the photos, and knowing there are already so many other photo blogs about Al Ain/Abu Dhabi out there, it just doesn't suit me. I am more an against the crowd type of gal.

OK, so I am LOVING my job. It ROCKS.

Onto what prompted me to type this in the first place.....

I went to get my nails done this weekend. I made an appointment for first thing in the morning as I always do. I get there and the place is packed. I couldn't believe it. Usually when it is busy, there is a great buzz in the room with everyone smiling and talking and it is very nice. This particular morning, it wasn't like that. The room felt cold. I was invited to sit in my usual chair, but there was a black clad GIRL sitting there. (I say girl because she sure wasn't acting like a lady). She was sitting on the side stool chatting to her mate in the next chair - she was not getting anything done. She refused to get up. She also refused to look me in the eye - coward. I stepped toward her and asked her if she had an appointment. She replied with "No, you can't make appointments"..... Of course I countered with the fact the I HAD AN APPOINTMENT.....she replied that it wasn't her problem.

OK, wait..... think about that for a moment.

I was furious, but hearing that comment realized I was not dealing with someone who graduated in even the top 30% of her class (if at all) so I backed down. I did, however manage to tell her she was rude and that I didn't understand why she had to be such a jerk about the whole thing (yes, I actually said that). I am almost 100% sure she didn't understand me though - not that I really cared, cause i would have said it anyway.

Well, the joke ended up being on her because I got my own private room for my pedicure and manicure. They even threw in an awesome leg massage and we listened to music, ate biscuits, drank tea and had a grand time (after the three of us - myself and the two ladies who do my pedi/mani - got all the "behind closed doors name calling" out of our system!)

SO........ Really, what the hell? What on earth would make someone act this way? It is just plain disgusting and really does a disservice to all of womankind when one of us acts like a spoiled selfish bitch. Besides, what really pisses me off, is I am the kind of woman who is very understanding and very friendly. If it were the opposite situation and she were the one with the appointment, I would have moved. I think THAT is what ticks me off the most. It is women like this who make me want to scream. I have no idea what her circumstances are. I have no idea who she was or what her background was, but if I were her mama, I would be ashamed.

OK, that's it for me. I will continue with the blog, but I am working now, so I can not update very often (every time I type that, I end up being able to update every day - ha ha ha!)

~JAM

Thing is....

2007-10-19T19:43:00.001+03:00

You know how sometimes you want to write to let out your frustrations? So you sit down to write and then realize that your husband's office mates have found your blog and they know who you are...... so you try to tone it down then when you read over it you realize it is total crap....

That is where I am right now.

There are MANY things I want to write about but have had my hands tied. I feel like everything i write is lacking and has no real meaning.

Right now, what I really want to write about is my new job that i start on Sunday and how nervous and excited I am about it, but I can't go into much detail because I don't want "things" to get "out there" and I don't want certain people to know too much about where it is or what I will be doing.
I want to write about the little arse hole I witnessed in the grocery store slam into a woman in an Abaya and nearly knock her down and not say a word of sorry to her and the fact that she just took it.
I want to write about how I was supposed to go to Japan over Eid but wasn't able to because of something I can't say here.
I want to write about how much i miss my mother and want to see her face and smell her hair but can't because i have no time.
I want to write about my friend who has an alcoholic husband and can't get out from under him because of things I can't say here.

So, can you see why I feel like this blog has come to a dead end?

I have had many people ask me to not give it up though (not just those of you have left comments). I am thinking about it.

~JAM

Nobody's readin so I ain't writin...

2007-10-15T13:53:00.001+03:00

Well, it seems that although there is absolutely NOTHING interesting to write about these days, it seems no one is reading it anyway.

Given those two very big issues, I have decided to not continue with this blog. There are also issues of living in such a small town where I have lost all my anonymity and I really don't like that.

SO...farewell.

~JAM

Random and boring (not necessarily in that order)

2007-09-10T08:32:00.002+03:00

Is it just me, or does it annoy the crap out of everyone else when women call their husband's their "hubby". Ah, well, it's probably just me, but it really makes me want to puke.

Well, traffic in this little town is getting pretty bad compared to last year at this time. I heard that one of the local education companies brought in about 200 new expats. Where are these people living? It is amazing how things have changed since last year here in my little neighborhood. Last year, our house was one of three that was built, complete and had families living in them. Right this very moment, I can look out my window and there are houses everywhere I look. Don't know if I am too happy about it. I liked the quiet. As long as they don't build a house next door and block my view of Jabel Hafeet, I guess all will be well.

So, I am still looking for a job. If any of you know of anything, drop me a line. I also need a house maid....and a tan...and a personal trainer....and some new shoes....and a hair cut..... ha ha ha!!!

Cheers!
~JAM

First Day Gitters

2007-09-02T10:17:00.001+03:00

Well, we all made it through check in at school this morning. Though I did feel like having a throw down with a few other parents.....That's beside the point. We checked P-man in first since the line for his grade was the least crowded. No glitches - everything was hunky dorey. We went over to Little Bit's grade table and stood......and stood......and stood......after about the 20th black clad lady shoved infornt of Little Bit and me, I got to my boiling point, said a few things I probably shouldn't have and grabbed all three kids to head off to the boy's school to check in Blondie. His was easy, except that somehow his name had been deleted from all existing lists which was really irritating because I worked on those class lists for weeks and weeks and weeks......Oh well, again, beside the point...... Blondie chose to be in the class room with his good friend from the previous school which made me really happy because he is a good boy. He walked into class and was all smiles. WHEW! One down and two to go!

Next, I took P-man over to his class room. He was so nervous, but got instantly excited when he saw his very best friend in the whole world in his class! He even forgot to say goodbye to me! That's ok, because I felt good knowing he was happy.

Little Bit and I trudged back down stairs to wait in line AGAIN. We stood there and stood there and stood there again only to be shoved over by all the "important" people. I was fuming! I decided since I knew what class she was in already, I would just take her to class. So we, took a little walk and found her class. She was pretty nervous and wanted to hide behind my legs, but the teacher got her attention and very slyly asked Little Bit if she would help her today because she (the teacher) was nervous and needed a friend..... Slick lady! Little Bit hugged her and said "OK, I will help you" and that was that. All over....

I am thinking next year, I am going to invest in a flashy Abaya and wear that on our first day so I can shove to the front without any regard for anyone else. Maybe we all should. Seriously! Have these ladies ever heard of a QUEUE? Otherwise known as a LINE.......

OK, enough about that.

Now I am home and the house is VERY QUIET...... I need to get off this computer and start occupying myself with something.

Hope everyone else had a good first morning at school! This year is going to be great - cutting in line aside!

~JAM

Do I really have to wait until Sunday????

2007-08-27T15:11:00.001+03:00

Can't I send them to school NOW?
They are driving me absolutely INSANE!
It has been a LLLLLOOOOONNNNGGGGGG summer.

~JAM

It's not you, it's your kid(s).......

2007-08-09T09:18:00.002+03:00

I had some friends a few years ago that were absolutely lovely. I really enjoyed talking with this lady and we had a ton in common and our kids were the same ages and everything seemed perfect......then we met them in person. Her kids were absolute terrors! The children talked back to their mom, degraded their dad, had no sense of other people's privacy, no respect for other people's property and they routinely interrupted their parents and other adults for no good reason. They buried meat in our garden, they went into a closed room and proceeded to play in there, they helped themselves to juice, Pepsi and milk out of my refrigerator...... It was just horrible! I never spoke to that mom again. I was appalled!

That was my first expat friend experience. I hoped that it was just a fluke, but now that I have been here for almost 2 years, I am learning that it is not. My poor children only have a small number of friends (about 1 or 2 each) because I can not stand to have them hanging around with children who act like spoiled brat undisciplined jerks. Really, that is not too high a standard, I don't think.

Last year, we were at an 8 - 10 year old soccer tournament and after the games were over there was a "treat dinner". As I was walking up to try and find my boys, there is one boy at the head table who is standing on his chair commanding the attention of all around him so that he can BELCH the words "you suck" to the other team. All the while, his mother was standing to the side with a champagne glass in her hand and her back to her son pretending as if she didn't notice this. What is wrong with these people??????

Even MY really good friends have children who act in such a way that I get the chills thinking about having them over sometimes. What do you do? Are my husband and I the only parents who discipline their children? Are we the only parents who still expect our children to respect authority (no matter if it is we, their parents, or another adult)? Are we the only parents who expect more out of our children than games of spitball and uncontrolled noise?

My children approach someone else's home quietly and with respect. They say please and thank you and they do not initiate a game of football in the hall way. My children do sometimes interrupt, but we are working on that. Now, unfortunately, my children also commonly follow the lead of their more rambunctious friends and shortly after their beautiful display of good manners, they are running through the house yelling for their friend to "shoot him now!" and ducking behind a couch or something. This is always countered by a stern warning form me and an apology to my friend. I don't ignore it or laugh it off - ever.

I totally understand that kids need to be kids and they need to run, yell, scream, fight, throw, kick, and pretend. I support this kind of behavior - if it is done in the proper place (that would be NOT in my living room where I keep my collection of silk scrolls and fragile Buddha heads). I am still finding little dried up spit balls on my walls (and 20 foot ceilings) from an incident that happened 6 months ago under the direction of a friend the boys had over! This drives me insane!

Why can people not gain control of their children? Why is it common to think that you are suppressing them if you discipline them? Why do people think that it is impossible to have control over your children and still allow them to be independent and free? Is it laziness? Are people just too tired to be arsed with setting and maintaining ground rules for their children? Do people just not care? Or even worse, do they not see that this behavior is rude, disruptive and just plain gross?

These children who act like holy terrors are really asking for something from their parents. They are asking for attention. Most children require structure and order. Not to the point where there is no leeway for creativity, but kids should know that by 9 AM they are expected to have their beds made and so on. What I find, very commonly among parents, is that they threaten, but never follow through, or they give unrealistic threats..... "if you do that again, I will rip your arm off" is not very realistic. The child hears the threat and in their mind says "right, you can't rip my arm off, so I can do it again and nothing will happen except that you will yell some other ridiculous thing at me", and they proceed with the offending behavior. On the other hand if you tell the kid to stop doing something and give them a realistic ultimatum, you have to follow through with it. If you don't it is pointless. For instance when I tell my boys to stop arguing or I will take the offending toy and throw it in the trash, they know from past experience that I will do it, and they stop arguing. I don't have to follow through with action any more because I have already proven that when I say something, I mean it. You can't be sentimental, regretful or lazy while disciplining your children.

Maybe that's the problem. You can't be lazy. In this society of maids, drivers and cooks, (of which I have none) we have all become complacent and are in a daze maybe. Inaction makes me feel like I am drunk, so I can imagine how it must feel if you don't do anything for yourself all day long then are expected to take care of your children. I am not trying to say anything bad here. Really, I am not. I just don't understand. This is a problem all over the world, not just here. I observe these crappy kids in every country we have visited - except Japan......

No manners, no pride, rudeness and self preservation is what I see. I don't want my kids around that, but the way things are going if I censor all their rude friends, they would have none.........(and neither would I).

~JAM

We're back and I am bored

2007-08-01T09:05:00.001+03:00

Well, we've been home for a few weeks now. I just haven't had anything worth blogging about to come down here and type.... I am not saying that I have anything to blog about now, but I just feel like it, I guess.

Our holiday in Australia was fan-freaking-tastic! Had fun, did all sorts of cool things, ate good food, saw some whales, bought lots of new shoes.......... It was nice to be around people like ourselves for a while. You forget how much you miss that.

In the few weeks I have been home, don't ask me why, but I have been looking up old friends on classmate sites. Funny enough, I am finding quite a few. The thing that surprises me is how few of them completed their college education and how fat they all are now. What is up with that? I mean, I didn't go to some country bumpkin school where the girls marry their high school sweetheart the day after graduation and start squeezing out babies in 9 months (not that that's a bad thing......). I went to an upper middle class school. Our parents were over achieving baby boomers with degrees, sometimes multiple degrees, big homes, flashy cars, European vacations, etc... The National Merit Honor Scholar was in my graduating class (he was also my boy friend for 2 years) - AND HE DIDN"T EVEN GO TO COLLEGE!!!! He plays fooze ball on a professional circuit. Here I have been thinking that I could have done more - feeling like I am a failure because I have a degree but I don't use it. Now, I am learning that I am a minority for even having the degree at all...... It is strange.

I struggled all those years in college. I worked a full time day job, a part time night and week end job, was pregnant with my first child during one year and thought I would never make it through after he was born. When I graduated in 1999, I was so relieved I swear you could have pushed me over with a feather that day. I worked so hard to get that piece of paper. Now I can't find a job. HA!

Oh well, such is life. I know the post is boring and probably doesn't make sense..... Just needing to get some thoughts out of my head (on a public forum....what kind of freak am I?).

Internet down....Can't blog......pulse getting weaker.....

2007-06-24T12:32:00.001+03:00

Sorry blogging world. My Internet has been down for about 3 weeks now. I am at this very moment, blogging from work and am terrified I am going to get in trouble!

Please accept my apologies. I will start blogging again if the internet is working when we get back from Australia in July.

Have a great summer!!!

~JAM

I've been tagged again....

2007-05-26T11:06:00.001+03:00

I was tagged by Someone in Al Ain..........

So here are another 5 things you don't know about me (and probably really don't want to know anyway)....

1. I like hard rock/alternative music - things like Maralin Manson and Metalica.....

2. I have a HUGE crush on Dave Navarro, as well as Christian Bale

3. I enjoy being a contradiction to what or who people think I would be

4. I am so in love with my husband that it hurts - but I still really enjoy seeing beautiful men

5. I have absolutely no will power (for anything)

Big cheeze.....

2007-05-25T20:10:00.001+03:00

Little bit is 100% better today!!!!!!

She didn't keep her medicine down last night, but woke up this morning talking and acting like her normal self. She ate good today and was able to take her medicine. If you looked at her today, you would think I was full of it yesterday when I said she was so sick.

Her eyes are still a little purple and her color is not back 100% yet, but she is not fighting for air, she is eating and talking and playing. It was a great day!

I have been a mom long enough to know that tomorrow could be another story, but today, she is doing MUCH better!

Mama is happy!

~JAM

Just plain sickness.....

2007-05-24T11:45:00.001+03:00

My daughter has viral bronchial pneumonia. In addition to a cough that sounds like a very sick frog, she has a fever of 104 (and higher). The doctor gave us a bag of medicine, but she won't eat and they all are "to be given with food".

Don't know why I am typing this for the world to see............ Feeling kind of helpless.

~JAM

Home sickness.....

2007-05-19T19:02:00.001+03:00

We went and saw Bridge to Terabethia this weekend. It was a good movie. Now I am home sick to the point that I cry when I look at a photo of the US. The movie reminded me of what we used to do when I was a kid. I grew up in a little farming community named Tomball in Texas. We lived just outside of town in a heavily wooded area and used to go exploring the woods like they did in the movie. We would spend hours out there. The smell of the trees and the feel of the soft, wet earth is something that I will never forget. It is a part of me. It is in my blood. My brother was a cowboy. He used to rope cattle and ride bulls in the rodeo. I even miss the smell of the stables and the sound of the farms.

Sometimes I mourn the life we left behind. I feel sad that my kids will not know the way the woods smell in the morning, or how the peacocks sound at sunset. I feel sad that they won't experience a real July 4th or know the feeling excitement at seeing a home run in a big baseball stadium. High school football games, and proms..........Homecoming and Sadie Hawkins dances.............Parades and Christmas.............. I miss home.

I don't regret that we are here, but I do feel like I have taken something away from my children. I feel like I have taken some of their heritage away from them. I don't know. I am so happy that we were given the opportunity to live here in the UAE and I wouldn't change it right now, but I am still sad. I grew up seeing the rolling hills of West Texas and smelling the rain on a stormy Spring night watching the weather reports with excitement as the tornadoes rolled across the planes, and while that is sometimes scary, it is still part of who I am. It is part of my life that I want my children to know about. I am a southern gal who went cow tippin in the balmy summer evenings and sat around bon fires with my friends whispering about the cute boy on the other side of the fire. I was in band and belonged to the newspaper club and lived for the day I turned 16 so I could drive. My kids won't have any of that here. What they will have instead is knowledge of the world and of a different culture. That is great, don't get me wrong. I am still mourning what I took away from them though.

Does any of this make sense? Am I the only parent that feels this way? Am I the only crazy person who gets depressed about this sort of thing?

~JAM

Just things

2007-05-12T16:20:00.001+03:00

HHHHMMMM....... Where do I start? There is so much crap floating around in my head right now, I have no idea where to begin.

I am exhausted - for no reason other than because i am BORED. How much does that suck?

You know? It really flabbergasts me when I meet a western expat here and find out that they have never met an Emirate (on purpose) or that they don't speak ANY Arabic, or know anything about the culture. It seems a big waste of life to come live in a place like this and not explore the culture and try to meet the people. What kind of bubble do these people who make no effort exist in? I can't imagine the sad, ignorant lives that someone like that would lead.

On the other hand, it still freaks me out when an Emirate is surprised when I understand their Arabic conversation, or when I greet them or know some little tid bit of the history and culture here. One girl was almost brought to tears a few days ago when she asked me if I could identify some photos of men for her and I was able to tell her they were Sheikh Zayed (MHRIP), Sheikh Khalifa, and Sheikh Mohamed. I mean c'mon!

I feel like by being given the opportunity to live here, it is my duty to learn about the people and culture. How the heck are we going to ever have a peaceful world if we don't learn as much as possible about one another? Isn't it ignorance that fuels the hate and fear which causes wars? Isn't it ignorance that causes mis communications and misunderstandings?

I don't want to be part of that ignorance. While I know that I don't know everything there is to know about the people here, I make it a point to ask questions. I make it a point to read books and look information up on the Internet and talk to people. It would be such a shame to live here all this time, take the money from working here and leave here as ignorant as I came.

I just don't understand how people can be so flipping self centered and stupid. Really, it is just plain stupid to not take advantage of this learning opportunity and enjoy it while we all can.

That's my 2 fils for today............

~JAM

Tagged!!!

2007-04-28T11:30:00.001+03:00

Well it seems I have been tagged by my friend Al Ain Taxi!

Here goes:

5 Things You Don't Know About Me..........

1. I HATE to fly. You guys know that we travel a lot - it is torture for me! Every time we plan a trip, I have a mini panic attack until we arrive at our destination. It ain't pretty folks.

2. I have been coloring my hair since I was about 10 years old there fore I have no idea what my natural hair color is.

3. I am a terrible speller. I inherited that from my dad - thanks dad....

4. When I get angry/drunk/or am very tired, I have a very thick Southern US accent and unless you are from the US, you will not be able to understand me talk.

Drum roll please............

5. When I was a kid and I got mad at my dad, I would go into his closet and wipe buggers on his business suits. I know - gross right? Thank goodness I grew up.

OK, hope you enjoyed gotting a little more insight into my twisted life.

~JAM

Home

2007-04-19T09:36:00.001+03:00

We made it home. The trip was OK, but not what we were expecting. I think that after Tokyo, no other Asian city will compare.

I start my new job on Sunday and am pretty excited/nervous. I can't really type too much about it right now, but will expand on it later...... (I will also come back and tell more about Emirates national School too - right now, all I can say is just go check it out. If you wait until Sunday, you may bump right into me.....).

I am fighting (and loosing) a four day battle with a migraine. I am off to Tawam this afternoon for a meeting (unrelated to the head) and hopefully someone will feel sorry enough for me to run some tests and maybe help me - cause that would be just super. I about jumped over the counter at the chemist when he suggested that my head ache was a "female problem" and I needed to take Panadol. The thought that ran through my mind, was not something I can type here........

Until later ~

JAM

C'Ya!

2007-04-05T18:01:00.001+03:00

We are off to Hong Kong tonight.

I will be out for about 10 days.

Have a great holiday everyone!

~JAM

People we meet in our life

2007-04-02T07:32:00.001+03:00

You know? I don't have a lot of friends. That's OK by me, because the few that I do have are really good friends and the relationships are quality and will last a lifetime. What I do have are a lot of acquaintances and then some people that I know by face because of working but the extent of our conversations has been "Hello" and "Have a nice day".

One particular man that I have a "Hello", "Have a nice day" relationship with just makes me smile every time I see him. If I describe him, some of you may know him....... I guess that's OK, because I am not saying anything bad about him..... He is this big, tall German man with silver hair. He looks 100% business - you know, the kind of man you don't want to have angry at you? He has a daughter who is about 5 or 6. She is precious - beautiful. This man walks his daughter into the school every morning, says goodbye to her and goes back to his car and leaves. Today, I watched him walk back to his car and I got a good little chuckle. Why? Because the car he got into was a red Ford Mustang. I think it is pretty cool that even big, serious German men have a soft spot in their hearts for a good 'ole American muscle car!

~JAM

Shaking things up in Sanaiya

2007-03-29T09:17:00.001+03:00

What do you get when you put a 5 ft 7 really tired and kinda grundgy looking brunette with fair skin trying to get her tires fixed in Sanaiya? Add a really loud laugh, and you get a car accident!

Ha ha ha!!!! You always see it in the movies, but it really happened to me. I was in Sanaiya getting my tires fixed the other morning and it caused quite a stir! Men were crawling out of the wood work, so to say. They were all walking by the tire shop and saying hello, then this one in his little Nissan pick up decided to stare a little too long and WHACK! He hit the little Sunny in front of him at the corner!

I have never laughed so hard in my life! My maid was in hysterics too! The dude at the tire shop just giggled and then winked at me.

What an ego boosting day. Then again, it is not necessarily the kind of attention I want...... I didn't ask for it. I wasn't dressed in tight clothes or low cut anything. I had on sweat pants and a t-shirt with my tennies. Hell, I didn't even have make up on and my hair was not fixed.....

It does get irritating sometimes though (being stared at all the time). I actually don't notice it most of the time anymore. When my brother-in-law was here he really noticed it and asked me if it bothered me, but usually I just smile at the ones I notice looking (only because I am a nice person) and go on with my life.

OK, that's it for me talking in circles......

C'ya!
~JAM

AAAWWWWW, Man!

2007-03-26T18:38:00.001+03:00

Don't ask me what kind of crazy I was today, but I agreed to have some of my friend's kids over this afternoon. I picked them all up from school and brought them home. There were 6 kids in my truck...... Five boys and one girl.

We get home and the kitchen was raided. We ate and drank and belched and then like a shot gun pattern, they all ran off. It was quite nice having them here. I find that the more kids you have, the less you have to do because they all entertain each other.

I witnessed some of the funniest things today with all these kids here. First, a four year old girl can definitely keep up with a group of active boys - no matter what their ages. Second, when a little boy farts, it is best to just leave the room. Third, spit balls really annoy my dog. Fourth, little boys can not dance. really, they can't. It looks more like they are having a seizure. They can not dance. Fifth, No matter how cool they think they are, you can still scare little boys with the whole "come look at this scar on the back of my neck" then turn and bark at them thing. They were all so cute!

I wish I remember being a kid. It seems like it should have been a fun time.

~JAM

Feeling kinda raunchy today

2007-03-22T09:55:00.001+03:00

Not raunchy in the "I'm ugly" way, but raunchy in the listening to metal and belching - which I guess could be considered ugly..... Whatever.

What exactly is the point of being pretty/sexy/attractive while living in the Middle East? You can't wear tight clothes, you can't show your cleavage, you can't show off the fact that you have lost 30 freaking pounds....... OK, so I am a little frustrated. Sorry. I really don't give a crap what other people think of the way I look, but I still don't want to be confined behind walls of fabric and coverings. I am so thankful that I don't have to wear an Abaya and sheila.....

Oh, here's one for you! Check this out: "I'm not gonna fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt."

President George W. Bush.

Classic, isn't it? Makes me proud to admit to being an American. Holy crap. That is my president. I didn't vote for him, but he is the president none the less. What the hell, dude. Thank goodness that individual people differ from their leaders and governments..... It is a funny quote though.

OK, enough from me.

~JAM

Bored out of my freaking mind

2007-03-18T11:46:00.001+03:00

So, several things are going on here. I am just not involved in any of them.

~We had a 3 day sand storm
~It has been raining all night
~House is flooded
~I have a lake in my garden
~Kept kids home from school today
~I am depressed

Why in the hell am I depressed? I have no freaking idea. I love the rain. I love the cool air it brings. I am bored. I don't feel like getting dressed. I wanted to cook today but instead have spent the day at the computer reading blogs. My stomach hurts.

I feel like I need a vacation but we just got home from one. Is this the point in my expat life where I go completely crazy and start hating everyone and everything around me? It seems like the time between needing a vacation is becoming less and less with every vacation we take. I don't necessarily want to go anywhere in particular, I just don't want to be here. I don't dislike it here, I just don't want to be here. Does that make sense?

We are thinking of moving to the other side of town. Maybe that is what has me all goofy. I think I need a change, and maybe that is the change I am looking for. I don't know.

I HATE the school the kids are going to and can not wait to get them the hell out of there. I wish I could just keep them home for the rest of the year and then send them to "the wonderful school" next year. Can't do that though. MOE won't allow it.

I don't want my kids at Future International School any longer. If you read this blog and you live in Al Ain, please go out and take a tour of the Emerites National School. If you know any history there, don't let that turn you sour. It is history, not present. This school is amazing and with the current principal, I can only see it getting better. I am awestruck at the idea that my kids will have the opportunity to go there next year. I am so excited about it I can barely contain myself. I just wish they could go now. I really really really hate Future International School. It is not fun for them any more. They are not allowed to play outside in the mornings any more. They can't go to the library in their breaks and off periods anymore. They can not play with a freaking ball in the court yard anymore. They have to do calisthenics every morning. Not to mention the fact that (and don't get pissed at me for typing this) they have to listen to a Quran reading every morning and then half of the assembly in Arabic every morning. It is an English medium school with an American curriculum. I sent my kids there because at the time, it was the closest thing I found to what they were used to in the US and now that the principal has changed and I am no longer there, the school is more like a public Emirate school. If I wanted my kids to have to listen to Quran recitals every morning, do calisthenics and listen to assemblies in Arabic, I would have sent them to Al Dahfra or Liwa. I am not happy about this change and I can not wait to get my kids out of there. They have gone from loving school and excited to go every morning to hating it and begging to stay home. What does that say? It feels horrible to have to take them there every day and to see their faces when I drop them off. I hate it. It rips my heart out. I want education to be fun for them. I want them to develop a lifelong love of learning but this school is ruining that for them. I HATE THIS!

~JAM

When one door closes.....

2007-03-15T16:27:00.001+03:00

What is the saying? "When one door closes, another one opens"?

Two days ago, I was greeted with a gift of sorts. Her name, I can not say - because I lack the ability to pronounce the more guttural sounds required to do it - but I do feel lucky. Just as I was still reeling from the drama of firing my house keeper and I was depressed about my lack of a job and the fact that some of my stress related illness have not subsided, I opened my front door to find a lovely lady standing on my front porch. She had a suitcase, a beautiful smile and my gardener with her. She is my gardener's sister. They had come to ask if she could spend the night in our extra room outside because she was "in limbo". we agreed to let her spend the night and she asked if she could clean for me as repayment of the favor. I said yes.

After observing her yesterday, and seeing her with the kids, I asked her to stay. She does not speak English, but she is so clever. I don't even know how to describe how she has changed our lives in just two days. She asks questions, and is learning. She broke one of my trinkets today and immediately brought it to me to show me what had happened. She looked as thought she was going to vomit because of it, but the fact that she was willing to admit what happened, I just couldn't be angry (besides, it was a gift market special - so I wasn't heart broken). My daughter loves her and actually fell asleep on her this afternoon - which is amazing all on its own, because my daughter doesn't like anyone really.

She cooks, cleans, and smiles. I think that she might be "the one" - LOL! Our house is so peaceful now. I met her husband and he is lovely. A very shy man who about fell over when I invited him to come eat lunch with his wife in her room.

Oh my goodness!!!! She just came in and asked me when I wanted to eat! She wants me to show her how to cook my famous Southern Fried Chicken......

I don't know. Things seem to be looking up. I have applied for a job, so everyone please say a little prayer for me. I don't NEED it, but I sure WANT it. The kids went and toured their new school (for next year) and were so excited about it that they wanted to start today! Hopefully, this will be a new beginning for us all. I feel like we need it.

~JAM

I'm gonna be a snob again

2007-03-13T09:45:00.001+03:00

AAAAHHHH!!!!!

Now that I am home full time, I have had an opportunity to get to know my family and my house again. It is amazing how things can go so wrong while you are preoccupied with other things. What do I mean?

I fired my maid - for many reasons, but now I am very glad. When she was here I thought it was wonderful and that she was really helping me. Now that I am home, I wonder what planet I was living on for the last 3 months. I am looking around my house and am noticing that shelves are stuffed with things that don't belong there. My poor kids clothes are all jumbled up. The baby's clothes are in my middle son's closet, my middle son's clothes are in her closet....my oldest son has half of my t-shirt collection in his closet! I really don't know the last time the kids sheets were washed on their beds. Their back packs were stuffed full of papers and trash and broken pencils..... I still can't find some of our clothes. Who knows where they ended up. Oh, and I found my toaster.....you wanna know where? Yup, I found it in my home gym under the television. Why? I don't know. Maybe she thought it was some sort of VCR or something.

Really, I know these girls have little experience with all the extravagances we Westerners have around the house, but why on earth can they not ask what something is or where it goes? Why? I also discovered that one of my lamps is broken, the vacuum is no longer sucking and that she has been using an abrasive cleaner on my silver in the house.....

I have learned a lesson. PAY ATTENTION. I need someone who is an observer. Someone who will take the initiative, but also ask questions and learn. I need someone who speaks English......

It is funny. Never in my life did I ever imagine that I would ever have a maid. Then again, never in my life did I imagine that I would be complaining about having a maid.....

~JAM

PS - We start the interviewing process over again on Thursday... I want someone who cooks!

Don't know what to say.....

2007-03-03T20:11:00.002+03:00

I just had a party. A party for myself and for my ex-supervisor......

It was a sad but wonderful day. How do I even begin to explain what has happened? You know, the problem with trying to spread the news of a bad situation in the Emirates is that everyone knows everyone and you never know who may be watching.....

What it boils down to is that the man who owns the school we worked at is dishonest. He made promises and didn't follow through with them. We worked our rear ends off for him and we put our heart and soul into that school and he treated us like dog crap on the bottom of his shoe.

He has included my name in a legal complaint against another company in town - one which I have NOTHING to do with. He has jeopardised my future and he could potentially jeopardise my husband's future and that really angers me. I want to shout from the roof tops about this little man but because he has a strong family name, I can not.

Just for the record, I did NOT leave my job because I had a position at another company. I left my job because of health related issues - really, I did. It was just my opportunity to go, so I took it. Unfortunately, he has made it such that my name is now being dragged through something that resembles shit and now I am angry.

Currently, I am staying home and plan on using some time to recuperate and get my thoughts in order. I plan on painting and making some flower arrangements. I NEVER had another job lined up - why would I? I don't need to work.

All I will say is please do not place your children in his school. He is a little man with little ideas and no knowledge of how to run any sort of reputable business. Your children will be plagued with a revolving door of principals, and teachers who are unhappy because of late pay of being docked pay for various reasons - vith no vacation pay. May I also say that if your child does go to his school currently and is in the class room of LORINDA DAKKA - please, be weary. She is not a good teacher no matter what you think. She is tired and bitter and really does talk nasty about most of the children in her classroom after school hours.

Consider moving your children out of this school next year. I really don't care where you go as long as it is not there.

I am so sad. We had such big dreams for those students. We were really doing something good there. What a stupid, stupid, little man.

It is a sad day.
~JAM

I have been very neglectful.....

2007-02-10T09:53:00.001+03:00

Sorry. Been busy.

We just got home from two weeks in Thailand. It was great!

My cat ended up having a virus and the two cats stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks. They are home now and doing great. It was very scary for a while, but all is well now. You don't realize how much you attach yourself to these animals until something happens to them. The little cat is now very clingy and as soon as we come home, she follows me everywhere I go and will jump in my lap as soon as I sit down.

Let's see....what else needs an update? Is anyone reading this dribble anymore?

I will post something separately about our trip. it was an adventure for us - but way fun!

I also am feeling very romantic today and need to write something about my husband.....don't know if I will do that here or not......

HEY! Does anyone have any ideas on how to help me keep track of my kids homework assignments and how to help them be more organized? My 9 year old constantly forgets to write his assignments down, but remembers them at 9 pm on Saturday night..... My 6 year old, does his homework, but never gets all his books back into his book bag and my 4 year old, takes her homework out of her bag, sets it down to do it, gets distracted and looses the papers...... We are hopeless! Any ideas are welcome!

Cheers!
~JAM

Update

2007-01-14T15:30:00.001+03:00

I came home from work yesterday and Cleo was still very lethargic. She would not walk around or eat anything. I got too worried and ended up taking her to the vet here in Al Ain. He said she is extremely dehydrated - which to me says she took in something that was poisonous. He pinched her skin and it stayed. He also said she was cold and her temperature was very low. He wanted to keep her for a few days and see what he could do for her. I left her.

I called today and he said she is much better but not ready to come home yet. Alhumdullah!

So, good news after such a rough week!

ha ha ha! I didn't even post about what happened the first of last week, did I? To quote my best Arabic friend: "Oh my goodness..... it is too much. Too much!"

Let's see....my week started with my friend receiving a phone call from my house keeper at about 11 am on Sunday. My house keeper and my friend are both Filipino and good friends, so it was not unusual for them to call each other. We were really busy at work, so she did not answer and didn't think anything of it. Then later, she checked her phone and came to me panicked saying that my house keeper has called four times in the last hour - something must be wrong! So, I call her and let my friend talk to her since it is easier for her to speak her native language when she is upset by something. Come to find out, my problem gardener has locked her in her bed room and would not let her out! Then when she finally got out, he wouldn't let her pass him so she sat down and he sat on her! What the hell - right? I was furious! Needless to say, there was a huge issue of this and the boy has since been fired. Unfortunately, I don't control his visa and the turd is still on my property! We agreed with the home owner that he should be given the opportunity to find other work. He is very young after all and this is so out of the blue that we really feel like it was a prank gone awry. It was said hat the boy did find other work and I was under the impression that he would be leaving for Sharja this past weekend, but I am watching him mow my grass right now. I don't know. He is not allowed in the house and we lock it up like a fortress, so he can't get in, but I want him gone - out of my sight!

What a nice beginning to a work week, huh? The rest has been like this so far the cat goes missing, I lost two English exams at school, I have gained 2 kilos and I have had a darn headache for three days. I can't wait until next week when we leave for Thailand! I just can't wait to exhale, you know?

~JAM

News - but not great news - yet

2007-01-13T06:14:00.001+03:00

The kitty came home yesterday while we were in Dubai. I don't know if she came home on her own, or if our gardener trapped her, but she is home. She was sleeping on Blondie's bed when we got in. Her body is in good shape. No bumps, scratches or scrapes. Mentally, she is not well. She latched onto me and would not let go. She plants herself in one place (hidden under a blanket or covers) and won't move. She wants to be near to my husband and me and she won't move. She purrs when we pet her but she will not look at us or interact with her sister. It is like she is exhausted. She peed in her sleep last night and is not willing to go to her litter box. I am worried that maybe she was poisoned. I don't know. Only time will tell. But, she is home and we are taking care of her. If she dies, she will be surrounded by people who love her.

~JAM

So sad tonight

2007-01-11T21:15:00.003+03:00

One of my cats is missing. Cleo got out the door today while my new gardener or maid was doing something. She just had surgery and still has stitches. She is young. I am so worried about her. I have put out food and blankets at each door to our house hoping she comes back. Everyone please say a little prayer. Boy child is just devastated. The two of them were real pals.

Woo Hoo!!!

2006-12-31T15:05:00.001+03:00

I just rode a four wheeler! It was a BLAST!!!

I have been afraid to get on it because the last time I was on a motorized vehicle that wasn't a car, I drove right into a chain link fence and almost killed a dog..... It was a super powered "Vespa" in like 1989, or something, but I swear I almost died.

My husband showed me how to use the clutch and change gears on this mammoth machine and I was off to a slow and jerky start. I looked over to my left and saw my 8 and 6 year old boys going 100 miles an hour and doing donuts int eh sand and decided I needed to let go and have fun. I was shifting smoothly and hitting 3rd gear in about 20 minutes and after an hour, I worked up enough courage to try and drive over a minor sand dune. OK, well, it was only a foot high, but c'mon, I was on an adrenalin rush! Looking back, it probably was not the smartest decision I have ever made, but damn it was fun! I hit the nub a little side ways and almost flipped the four wheeled beast right over on top of me, but I saved it and only ended up with a base ball size bruise on the inside of my right knee.

WOO HOO!!! Crikey, it was fun! Sorry - I was channeling Steve Erwin........Good guy.

I am a new woman! Ha ha ha!!!! Can you imagine? ME on a four wheeler? And yes, I had my full face of make up on and my nails done. What a blast!

~JAM

What????

2006-12-18T20:12:00.001+03:00

Wow! I am over the flu (alhumdullah!!!). This week has been a bit crazy. It started with the revelation that the MOE suddenly canceled our school's scheduled (and previously approved) Christmas break. It seems the owner of the school put in a call to a few of his friends to get the time off canceled. This not only is completely asinine (because our school is half Christian AND is an American curriculum....), but causes a huge problem as most of our students and teachers have scheduled holidays and purchased air tickets out of here. It totally is not the fault of the MOE, but someone should really think before making these knee jerk reactions in the name of "wasta", you know?

The other thing that has me all up in arms is the subject of Hajj. Well, not really Hajj itself, because it is a sacred and holy thing, but some people and the choices they make...... Let me explain.
I know a lady who is a single mom (I don't know how or why she is single - it isn't my business). She has one daughter who is a good student, but not a strong student. The daughter needs a lot of help and attention in regard to school work among other things in life.... Now, this mom called to inform the school that she is going on Hajj. That is great, BUT the time she will be gone falls right in the first week of school finals. Now mom expects the school to push back the child's finals one week because she won't be here to study with her (because she will be on Hajj....something she NEVER fails to mention when she is discussing the matter). I don't know. It seems very selfish to me to leave your child who really needs your help during this time to pursue your own path. It doesn't seem like this is the right thing to do to me. I am angry about it and I just want to understand what or why it is OK to leave your extremely nervous, already neurotic child during end of term finals when she is not a strong student to begin with. The fact that she bitched at the school and expected us to "do more, try more" with her daughter when her mid term grades came back does not make this sit any better with me either.

I just don't understand parents. "Help our children more; Send more books home, but not too much homework. No home work over the weekends or holidays, but why isn't Timmy getting Math homework everyday???" I mean, come on! Every stinking day it is "Do this for my child; do that for my child". Don't these people understand that the education does not stop when these kids leave the school? Do these parents know that learning and teaching is an on going thing that needs to be done by teachers and parents alike? I get so frustrated when these parents come in to gripe that their child is not doing well. Really, I don't think that is the full fault of the school. These parents hire tutors, but they themselves do not check up on the school work. They have no clue what is going on in their child's life and then mid terms show up with these red marks on them and "BAM" the parent is "shocked"! Oh, c'mon! Catch a freaking clue people! Pay attention to your damn kids!

I have another friend whose cat was shot this weekend and killed. Now, tell me, were those parents paying attention to their kids? It just astounds me the hypocrisy I see every day all over the place (it is not just here in the UAE). I get so damn angry because I am busting my rear end to raise my kids to be trustworthy and reliable human beings and they see all this other crap going on around them. I am finding it more and more difficult to justify the behavior of other children to my own. I am regularly appalled by the behavior I observe in the children here, both National and expats alike. It seems like people come to the UAE and their kids become little disrespectful jerks. I just don't know.

It saddens me that we are letting our future slip away by letting these kids run wild or by ignoring them or leaving them behind. This little girl whose mom is going on Hajj is just so lovely and all she really needs is a lot of love and attention. This boy who killed the cat is the same way. He shot the animal while it was on the balcony of it's owner's home. In a different world, the mom would have never let the child have the gun in the first place. How do you let your child have a gun? Why do these moms let their boys have free run of everything? Don't they know that children need stability, structure and discipline as well as love and attention? If I could adopt all the kids who need help, I would. It just kills me to see this going on. UGH............. I am just getting more and more angry. I shouldn't have written this right before going to bed...............

Good night Al Ain, you beautiful green village............. Thank you for the lovely temperatures and the beautiful sun set tonight.......................

~JAM

I have the FLU

2006-12-08T11:45:00.001+03:00

I have the flu.
It sucks.

I feel like a jumbled mess of crap and I am dripping in sweat.

This sucks.

Dis and Dat

2006-12-03T09:34:00.001+03:00

Wow. It is the last day of our glorious three day weekend - Thank Allah for National Day, cause I really needed this one!

Today the sun is out and the breeze is cool. It is beautiful! Yesterday, a cool front came through along with wind and rain (and a flooded house). The temperature never got above 80 F!!!!! Today is much the same except the sun is out and the birds are a chirpin.

I am not so sure I like this Blogger Beta thing. It seems to take longer to sign in and get to a new post on my Blog. HHHMMM.......Evil Change....... Just kidding. I need to get used to it, I guess.

Started decorating for Christmas. The tree is up and decorated and I am picking up little Christmas decorations all over the place. Bought some gifts too! This year feels more like Christmas so far - I think the cool weather has a lot to do with it.

Little bit is sick AGAIN.

Little bit and I got our hands hennaed (Wow - is that a word?) at the school's National Day celebration - which ROCKED BTW. The henna is so pretty. I feel very sexy with it on my hands. Isn't that a little wrong??? Anyway...At school, Blondie preformed the traditional National Dance with the boys. He wore his Dish Dasha and everything. He was so beautiful with his white hair and in that white robe. He was so nervous, I thought he was going to throw up! He did really well though and they ended up preforming it twice!

OK, enough boring stuff from me today. I am loving this weekend! Do we really have to go back to work tomorrow????

Hugs to all!
~JAM

Can I just be really snotty for a bit?

2006-11-27T14:42:00.001+03:00

You know you are stuck up when .......
you complain about your hired help..................
who doesn't really work for you because his visa is paid for by the person who owns your house................................

BUT HE IS DRIVING ME FREAKING INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, a little background.

We have a wonderful gardener. He is an old man and he takes care of us and our house very well. He is respectful and hard working and he is a good man. Since his family is in Bangladesh, he wanted to go home and visit last year, so the owner of the house hired a young boy (20 years old) to replace him when he left. In the beginning it was great because this boy understood and spoke English and he was willing to learn and do everything we asked him to do. He came inside and cleaned with me and he helped with dinner. Our old gardener never got to go home, because of his age or something or other, so now we have two men working here.

When I went back to work, I took the boy aside and trained him for two weeks in the fine art of cleaning and taking care of a home. Let me tell you, he has failed miserably. I have since retrained him over and over again and he still doesn't do anything right. He does things I don't ask him to do, he doesn't do things I ask him to do and he is wasteful. He does not speak or understand as much English as he lets on to and he is a nosey son of a .............

He is constantly asking for extra money at the end of the month for this or that brother or cousin and he is making a habit of "telling on" the old man gardener for doing all kids of stuff. This kid had the balls to ask if my husband was going to give a check for 20,000 Dhs to the home owner for rent. Since when in the hell is it a house boy's business when where and how much money we pay to who for anything? He reads our receipts, our papers, and everything else in his view. He stands over my freaking shoulder and reads my damn e-mail while I am typing. It has gotten to the point to when I see him, I get so angry that I just want to scream. I am aggravated and I hate just thinking about him being at my house.

Now, he comes inside just now to tell me something about our old man gardener and how he is going outside the house and working (well duh, he is earning extra money and we don't care if he does). Apparently, this fu**ing kid has started something with the home owner to try and replace our old man gardener with his cousin. I am livid! I just want to scream "You're fired" to this kid right now, but my hands are tied because I don't hold his passport and even though we have talked to the owner about him, there is a HUGE communication breakdown and nothing is getting done. I am so pissed off right now I really don't want to see this kids face again. I am afraid of what I may do.

What shall I do?

I am looking for a live in Filipino lady and have one prospect, but don't feel good about it. Any more ideas?

You've gotta hold your mouth just right......

2006-11-25T23:09:00.001+03:00

A few days ago, Blondie brought home a Rubix cube. he played with it a few days then threw it on the table in disgust proclaiming that it sucked and was impossible to solve.

The Major picked it up and began working on it. It reminded me of when I used to watch him teach his University classes. His whole body changed. His face became serious, his tongue came out of his mouth and his eyes got narrow. You could see his brain working. He started twisting and turning all the while counting and softly talking to himself. He would stop every so often and count and draw in the air then start twisting and turning again. The kids and I were just sitting there watching in amazement like he was solving the world's problems right then and there. He made a final twist, let out an exhale, placed the cube back on the table then went back to watching his show on TV. He never said a word, but he solved that darn thing in about 10 minutes.

Blondie starts jumping up and down yelling "Holy Cow! He did it! He did it!" and I am thinking "Of course he did"..... Of course he figured it out. He always figures it out. I had forgotten that look he gets. It is that look that reminds me of what a brilliant and wonderful man I married. It is that look that tells me that he will always figure it out - no matter what the problem. It is that look that assures me that everything will be OK, because he will fix it - because he can.

I love that look.

~JAM

I sound like a turd....

2006-11-08T19:13:00.001+03:00

I am sorry. I do not mean to sound like I dislike the Emirates. It is not like that at all. Life here is good. It is so much better here for us than it ever was in the US. I guess what is getting to me right now is the lifestyle or attitude, maybe. I am just worn down and tired from work, I think. I get so sick of people not queuing up, or wanting to be helped first because they are who they are (or think they are). It is not just the Emiraties, so please do not think I am generalizing. I am tired of people not keeping appointments, or not committing to anything. I am tired of seeing trash thrown all over and of seeing children standing in the front seat of cars. I think what I am most tired of is seeing ignorance. What makes it worse, is that I know that most of these people are not stupid, they just don't think (or don't care). It is sad, and tiring and leaves me with a feeling of hopelessness and despair.

I am tired. Unfortunately, most people I work with have no idea why or how I have become so tired, because they just don't get it. It feels like a lot of people here just don't see the big picture. No one does anything for the greater good. No one is passionate, no one is invested, and sometimes it feels like no one cares at all. I sometimes feel like I am the single person who cares, who tries and who makes it a point to put my best foot forward every time, and I am tired.

This morning, I was cut off (yet again) by some person who thought they were too good to cue up turning into the school parking lot. The idiot came within inches of slamming into my truck. I got pissed off and laid on my horn and flipped him the bird - right in front of my children. I am not like that, but one can only take so much, you know? Why in the hell does it feel like everyone around me thinks they are better than everyone else around them? What goods comes from that mentality? I don't know. Maybe someone can enlighten me.

Maybe I am just too tired to see the good lately. I am trying. I really am. It so rarely shows itself that I find myself searching for the smallest good thing I can find and hanging onto that moment for a very long time, but it is not enough.

I am sorry.

At least my kids are happy and healthy and my husband is well. I am thankful for my home and that I can afford to put food on the table. I am thankful that my parents are doing well and that my nieces are well. It makes me happy to know that my friends in the USA are getting on well and that their families are well. These are my good things right now and I will hang onto these things as long as I can.

~JAM

Maybe turning Japanese isn't so bad

2006-10-31T18:42:00.001+03:00

Do you remember that song in the 80's about turning Japanese? The chorus was "I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so"..... Remember that song?

Our plane landed in Osaka, Japan at 5:20 pm on Friday evening and then we took JAL (Japan Air lines) to Tokyo that night. It was the most wonderful, peaceful, beautiful holiday I have ever been on....... I want to cry just thinking about it.

We stayed in an older hotel in the business district part of "Old Tokyo". We were 3 city blocks form a subway station and 3 city blocks away from a neighborhood park. We could see the Tokyo tower out or window (it was only 3 blocks away over the subway station). We got 2 adjoining rooms and were able to have the children in one room and we had our privacy in OUR OWN ROOM!!!

It was quiet and clean and everyone was very helpful. After living in the Middle East for a year, it was very refreshing to experience the order and efficiency of Japan.

I really have no words to describe the overall feeling that I had while there. The best thing I can come up with is "Calm". I felt calm for the first time in a very long time while in Japan.

There are several things that stood out about the city that appealed to me greatly. First, it was so very quiet. The streets were busy, but quiet. People talked quietly, not a whisper, but they were just soft talkers.... No cars honking, no music blaring, no yelling, or hollering. It was very quiet. Second, it was clean. There was very little trash on the ground. Every trash bin was set up for recycling (although it became a bit of a nuisance by the end of the trip since most of the bins were labeled in Japanese so I had no idea what went where..). The ladies carried around their own small towels to dry their hands in public toilets because there was no paper provided. The toilets were all automated and at the press of a button, your bum was sprayed, the toilet flushed and you were on your way. It was wonderful. Third, it was so green. Everywhere you looked, there was green. There was moss, trees, grass, shrubbery, everything. It was not artificially planted or in rows or organized, it was nature, doing what nature does - growing. The air was moist and cool and you could feel the earth on your skin. There was a feeling of oneness with nature and life. I just can not describe it. Fourth, there was little evidence of a class system. I know it was there, but in public, the waiter was treated the same as the doctor. There was no stopping your transaction to help a local, there was no wasta, there was no "I am better then so and so". It was bliss. Fifth, everyone cued (lined) up for EVERYTHING. I mean everything! People were orderly and polite. There was no pushing shoving, cutting, nudging, or anything. When the girl at Disney told everyone to stand behind a certain line, they did. No one stepped over as soon as she turned her back, no kids started screwing around and played over the line, it was very orderly. I almost took photos of the cues to bring back here to show as an example of how to do it properly......

We spent most of our time in the City exploring the sights. We learned the subway system and used it every day all day. We walked in the rain and went into shops and visited temples. There was a temple just a few blocks from our hotel and we visited there several times. The grounds were very large and we could use a walk through their wooded area as a short cut to our subway station. They had rows and rows of small child like statues with red caps and capes on. The red caps and capes represent someone who has delayed their own enlightenment to share the path with others. They are revered in Buddhism, as they should be. On our last trip to the temple, we were able to speak with one of the monks and ask about the statues. He told us that they were the children who had died. His English was very limited (as was the case with most we came into contact with), so he could not answer our questions about more details. I tried to post photos but kept getting an error.....

We went to Disney Land one day and Disney Sea the next. It was Disney. It was fun. Don't know what more there is to say about that. Again, the photos are giving me an error....

I went up into the Tokyo tower (I have photos to prove it) and I looked over the edge (after an hour of walking with my back against the wall). I will admit that it was a quick peek through a glass observation point in the floor, but i did it none the less. I didn't like it.

We had fun. I am in love with Japan now. And again, we are toying with the idea of studying Buddhism seriously.

I cried on the air plane coming home thinking about coming back to this dust bowl full of rudeness, and one upmanship. I am in a bit of a negative funk in regard to living here right now. I would drop everything to move to Tokyo if it were offered.

Hopefully something great will happen here to renew my once bright a cheery outlook on life here. I don't want to be one of those negative ugly expats that bitches all the time about their host country.

Overall, I would recommend Japan to anyone who enjoys peace, quiet and order (even when children are involved). It was just absolutely the best holiday I have every been on in my life and I never could have imagined that it would have been so freaking wonderful.

I will post photos as soon as I can.

~JAM

By the way

2006-10-13T19:32:00.001+03:00

I want to make sure all of you know how I appreciate the comments you leave for me. I especially am grateful for all the support that you have shown for my post about changing and feeling like I don't know who I am. Thank you so much.

~JAM

I almost peed my pants

2006-10-13T19:27:00.001+03:00

I don't know why I found this to be hysterically funny, but I did....

Tonight, as we were walking out of Al Jimi mall, a man drove by on a Harley Davidson chopper. He was wearing a leather sleeveless shirt, had a bandana on his head and had on cow boy boots. I doubled over in laughter ..............

It reminded me of home, and it made me smile. Thank you Harley dude. I needed that!

~JAM

Becoming not me

2006-10-05T20:26:00.001+03:00

Have you come to the realization yet that you are no longer the person you used to be? I have. It sucks.

I was visiting my girlfriend's "My Space" web site (yes! It was accessible....sssshhhh, don't tell etisilat, ok?), and I came to realize that I am no longer part of her "posse". We used to be inseparable. We have known each other since the summer between 5th and 6th grade (that was 1986, people).... I was there when she got her first bra (and she was there for mine). We used to dress like Madonna and listen to WHAM together, for God's sake! Geeze! We started smoking together, dressed alike, sounded alike, had the same hair cut, same crushes..... You get the picture.

Somewhere along the way, I transformed from this bean pole giggly kid into the mom I am today - complete with stretch marks, grey hair and bags under my eyes. I cook every day, I clean and I spend my evenings at home talking about how tired I am. Meanwhile, she has morphed into this sex kitten complete with paid for boobs, a flat stomach and a boy friend. The friends in her photos are all young, thin ladies with colorful drinks in their hands, smiles on their faces and perfect eyeliner. I feel left out. I feel deserted and tossed aside. It is not her fault - not at all. I don't feel like she has done anything TO me; It just hit me that I am no longer 19 years old, you know? I don't remember life before kids. I don't remember what it feels like to know I am sexy or to know that I am wanted. When did this happen and why didn't I get the damn memo?

Who am I now? I have no idea, but I am too busy and tired to find out right now and that scares me. Am I going to wake up in 10 more years and have this feeling all over again? What am I supposed to do between now and then to help myself get over this? Sometime between 19 and 35, you're supposed to have all of this stuff figured out, aren't you? If i am no longer me, then who am I? I am a mom. I am a wife. Those are the two things that come to mind when I think about who I am. I have to be more than that, though. Being a mom and wife are two great accomplishments and I am in no way saying that it is not noble to claim those things as you, but there has to be more, doesn't there?

~JAM

A few words of advice....

2006-09-28T14:58:00.002+03:00

If you are observing a "semi-fast" during Ramadan out of respect for your co-workers, please remember it is definitely NOT a good idea to make your first meal of the evening a chicken Caesar salad from Chilli's. Let me repeat that...IT. IS. NOT. A. GOOD. IDEA. I will let you come to your own conclusions about how my body got back at me.......

Another thing....While in your delirious haze because you are really freaking hungry (because you're too darn lazy to get up early enough to eat a decent breakfast so you are going until 5 in the afternoon to actually eat anything....), don't forget that you work with an office full of others who are fasting and devour a small piece of granola bar at your desk as if it was your first meal in weeks. OK? Just don't do it.

That's my advice for this Ramadan season. Ramadhan Kareem everyone!

~JAM

FRUSTRATION

2006-09-26T16:48:00.001+03:00

Please please please do not get offended by reading this post. I am just so frustrated and it is all to do with trying to adjust to the different life style here since starting work. I need to vent, so here it goes.......

I work with women of many nationalities. I work well with all of them, but I have a very difficult time understanding the work ethic and the rationale behind some of the things that go on in the office. For instance, last week someone had spilled coffee or tea on one of the couches in the lobby. It was all over the cushion and the floor and had dried. It looked terrible. When I walked by it (for the first time), I asked the receptionist what it was and why hadn't it been cleaned up. The response I got was; "Oh, I told one of the Filipino girls about it and she said she would clean it up later." and she goes back to doing nothing. This infuriated me! I took the 8 steps to my desk, pulled out one of my Detol wipes, took the 8 steps back to the waiting area and WIPED THE MESS UP. It took a total of maybe 30 seconds and it was done. All the while, I am being talked about in Arabic by the receptionist and another worker in the office. I can only imagine there was some comment about the stupid American cleaning up a mess that a "lowly worker" could clean up later. I don't understand why no one could have taken a wet towel and just cleaned the mess up right away. It's not like anyone was too busy to spare 30 freaking seconds to do it (especially considering she was picking at her split ends when I asked her about the mess in the first place)! Besides, it is just good service to take care of your work area and it is damn important to make a good impression on the people who walk into the waiting area. What does it say about our school when someone walks in and sees this mess sitting there dried?

Something else that I find aggravating is the lack of compassion or lack of customer service that some of our people show. It shows itself as people passing jobs onto others or as people not following through in a timely manner; or simply as people not smiling. It is really uncomfortable.

What about the constant asking of permission for everything? This drives me absolutely insane! Some people can not make a decision to save their life! Everyone is always asking permission to do everything! It is exhausting.....

THEN!!!!!!!!! Right now, I am just dumbfounded. Last year when my kids were at another school here in Al Ain, we took the kids out of class one day to go on a family outing. I told the school what we were doing, they approved it. While we were in our freaking car driving to the location of our family outing, the damn school called to ask why the boys were absent! I was furious, thinking why the hell are you calling me to ask why my kids are absent? That is really none of your darn business! In the USA, when your child misses school, the parent is expected to call the school, not the other way around (and I did tell the school they would not be in class that day). This year, I am learning that I was supposed to be the person calling parents when a child is absent. I don't have time for this! So, I learned this yesterday and I devised a plan to help me notice absent students by making a form for the teachers to turn in. Today we started to implement the plan (even though I think it is totally asinine). THEN....we get a phone call from a parent saying that her daughter has been absent for 3 days and no one has called! (Heaven forbid! In my mind, I am thinking "Were your fingers broken?") This parent is "very disappointed" because she likes our school and all the "good schools" call, why didn't we???? OMG! Are you serious? What is the deal with this? One girl tells me that it is because these parents need special attention. Another girl tells me it is just our responsibility. I think it is silly. Every parent here thinks they deserve special treatment and that is just insane! While I think everyone deserves to be treated in a friendly and understanding manner, it is too much to expect special treatment because you hold a certain last name (especially when it seem everyone here has an elevated status - or at least thinks they do).......

The level of selfishness that I have observed over the past 3 weeks has just astounded me. Today I realized that the reason I do not have time to finish my work is because I do EVERYTHING. If someone needs something done, they come to me because they know I will do it. I clean couches, I make forms, I type letters, I make copies, I talk to children and stop and play with them in the hall, I help with computer problems, I carry water bottles to offices, I do it all, because I know that if I don't, it will take much longer to wait for someone else to do it. I am frustrated and sad because here, I really like living here, but I am starting to see one of the ugly sides of working life here. I know there are many more, but this one is hitting close to home. I come home tired, disappointed and frustrated every day, and it is all for a job that I am doing because I want to - not because I have to. I do still love my job, I just wish I didn't feel like I am only one of two people giving 100%, and I am tired (so is the other person).

Photo from here.

OOPS I did it again....

2006-09-24T14:27:00.000+03:00

You know, I am a HUGE believer that things happen for a reason. Today my belief has been tested. Right before I was about to pack up my junk and head out the door of work, one of our students comes running in frantic, panting and hysterically asking if there is a branch of Feline friends here in Al Ain.... I should have told him no and walked away right then, but NO - I had to open my big mouth and ask him WHY......
It seems there was a kitten wedged into the engine compartment of one of our employees cars and it was this tiny little thing and it was so helpless and cute and filthy....

Yah, well, it is sitting in my lap right now. It is clean and scared and now in my home....

Anyone want a kitten?

Her name is "Yuki" which is Japanese for lucky because I think she is darn lucky she wasn't killed.

How well do you know your fellow blogger?

2006-09-17T16:33:00.000+03:00

......or the person you "talk" to on that internet message board you frequent, or the friend you met while IMing on Yahoo???

Recently, someone posted a nasty comment on my other blog. (I have deleted it.) I was very upset by the comment and lost sleep over it. I am still struggling with it, but like many things in my life, I need to just let it go. Part of the problem is that whomever left the comment, did not justify it with proof, and to "prove" to me that she "knew" me, she used a screen name that I used to use when I posted on some internet message boards before I moved here. I am just beside myself wondering what in the hell I did to this woman (or man) to make them say such a terrible thing about me, but for the life of me can come up with absolutely no reason besides the fact that this person is a sad, bitter, person who takes pleasure in being nasty to others. But is that true? I don't know? I don't know this person. Even if I knew her/his name, I still don't know this person, because I would only know OF her/him from the internet. Again comes my question, how well can you know someone you have never met?

{SIDE NOTE: I do not post on message boards anymore. Mostly because I don't have time but also because the one that I really liked (and where I suspect this commenter came from), I can no longer access, as it says it in under construction and has been that way for a year now. }

I talked with ladies who I would guess were snotty, or very self rightous and am almost positive that I would hate them in real life, but really, how do I know that? They could be the nicest people in the world, but just don't have a good sense of writing and can not convey their thought and feelings in a manner that would make me realize that. At the same time, I talked with ladies who I thought were probably super cool and nice women, but in reality they could be uber bitches and how would I know that if I never met them?

What this person called me, really upset me. If this person ever really knew me, she/he would know that I am not what she/he said. I am a happy person who cares about everyone around her. While I am not a religious person, I was brought up in a Christian home. My mother was the daughter of a Preacher and I live my life by good morals. I am a spiritual person and find that what comes around goes around, so for you, my Internet Sleuth, I hope your conscious is clear and I hope that you feel better after your session of name calling. It takes a mature person to leave an ugly anonymous comment on the blog of a virtual stranger then not back it up. I am sorry that you feel the need to do things like this. I am also sorry that I called you a jack ass although it felt really good at the time and I reserve the right to retract this apology at any time - of course.

~JAM

Exactly what do you mean?

2006-09-17T16:13:00.000+03:00

This post is a response to this post on "Your Man In Al Ain'(s)" blog.

First, let me welcome Your Man to our Al Ain blogging family! Woo Hoo!!!

It is interesting that this post prompted such discussion. I read it as just stating what he likes about his time here so far and nothing more. Being an expat myself, I completely understand what he is saying and where he is coming from with this post. I often mention to my family back "home" that it is sad that we had to leave the country to live the American dream.... To work these same jobs in our home country we would not see the monetary return as we do here, and to make the same kind of money and live a similar life style in our home country, would require that we did things we did not enjoy or that were illegal. At the same time, I am so loving my time here for many many many more reasons besides the money and the convinces. Being here has opened my eyes to so many different things that NEVER would have been a possibility in the US. My children are interacting with other children from all over the world and I don't have to EVER worry about them getting shot while they are sitting in class (or being offered drugs).

Whether we, as expats, see beyond the fact that things are easier here and the reasons behind that, is a completely different post all together. There are many problems in this country, but please, correct me if I am wrong, I think this post is just trying to convey how happy the poster is here up to this point and how this never would have been possible if he had not taken this post (made the move here).

I think that sometimes, people read too much into what we post. I am not saying that anyone is right or wrong or that anything is bad or whatever, I just think that sometimes, we need to take things at face value and try not to "interpret" everything. I find that this happens a lot here and it leads to many misunderstandings. The speculation about Elle's comment is a case in point.... She is saying that if she and her family were at "home" instead of she being a stay-at-home mom, she would also be working...... It's that simple. My family is exactly the same. In the US, I was a stay-at-home mom, but we struggled and came close to loosing everything several times. Here, in the UAE, I can stay home, and we can save money as well as have a home helper, take our clothes to be cleaned, drive new cars, etc... Now, I work because I want to and not because I HAVE to. It is nice.

Why does everything have to be about something? Why can't we just state a simple fact without having to go into great detail of what we really meant? I don't know. I think that the only reason I am writing this post is because someone tried to "interpret" what I meant recently and they got it all wrong. I say what I mean, and usually mean what I say. I don't have the time or energy to talk in code and try to make everyone around me work to figure out what I meant to say.

Enough about this. Sorry to go off into a tangent. I think something else is bothering me...... Maybe I will post something else about that.....

~JAM

I was shunned!

2006-09-10T14:21:00.000+03:00

This morning as I was saying good bye to the kiddies so they could go to class, I got great big hugs from the two little ones, but my oldest boy, looked away, embarrassed. He shyly admitted to me that he didn't feel comfortable hugging me in front of all his buddies - he is 8 years old! I thought I had at least another few years until this happened!

I was sad, but understood. I patted him on the shoulder and told him to have a great day, then waved to his friends. Walking to my desk, all I could think about was how mature he seemed right then.

Later in the day, I was walking across the court yard and i paused to look at something. As I stood there, I feel these arms wrap around my waist and I feel this big sweaty head rest against my back.

I guess hugging mom isn't so bad after all....(as long as no body is around!).

OK, I have to agree whole heartedly (is that one word or two???)

2006-09-09T17:20:00.000+03:00

I read Elle's post here the other day, and have to agree with this.

My husband and I have one of those centerpoint cards where we earn points toward vouchers for free stuff. They usually come as 100 Dh gift checks that we can spend at any of the centerpoint stores. This is really cool, BUT.....

I get all excited having 100 Dh in my hand thinking of all the wonderful things I want to get with it. I drag the family up to Al Ain mall (or Al Jimi - since they are EXACTLY THE SAME NOW) only to end up leaving the mall 4 hours later, kids fighting, husband pissy, and me upset because I am empty handed.

SPLASH has got to be the most worthless store I have ever attempted to shop in ever (and I shop a lot people). The cuts are all wrong, the sizes are a joke and the quality of fabric and workmanship is just terrible! Today, I picked up one skirt in 3 sizes. My "regular" size, one size larger and one size smaller. The "regular" size - which would fit me in any other store - was tight across my belly, loose around my waist, poked out at my hips and was about 3 inches too long (and I am not a short woman). What the hell is that all about? So I put all three skirts back and go for a pair of pants. I did the same thing, I grabbed 3 sizes, just like before. The "normal" size, I couldn't even get the button to meet in the middle. The next size up, looked like I was swimming in my big brother's trousers! Disgusted, I got dressed, tossed the clothes to the sales lady, mumbled something about whomever makes the clothes being an idiot, grabbed the kids and husband and walked out to head toward Shoe Mart.

Shoe Mart...Shoe Mart.....Shoe Mart..... I am in love with shoes. I have a thing. Shoe Mart, does NOTHING for my shoe thing. How is it that a store full of shoes does not carry ONE DECENT PAIR of shoes? The shoes there are all poorly made, knock offs that have no real substance to them at all. I found one pair of shoes that were cute, inexpensive and because they were so cute, it didn't really matter that you could tell they were cheap. The problem is that someone had tried them on and scuffed the toe and the heel of the shoe. The sales guy went to the back to find a new pair, but came out empty handed - as usual. I asked for a discount because there was no way in hell I was paying full price for USED SHOES, and (you shouldn't be surprised with this...) he said no. Well, piss on you shoe mart... We left.

On the bright side, I did clean out the shop upstairs in Al Ain mall called Al Jeaidi. This is also the store where I got my pant suit for the wedding a few weeks ago. I LOVE THIS STORE! I wish they carried shoes! The men working there are so nice and helpful and the prices are just wonderful. I will go back to this store again and again. It is on the top floor of Al Ain mall across from the Grand Store. Just wonderful!

The moral of the story? Centerpoint company is damn freaking smart. Here's why: The reason you get the centerpoint vouchers is because the parent company knows that their stores suck and that you will never be able to find anything to use the vouochers on anyway, so they will never loose money. OK, that's my bitchfest for the day.

Thanks for reading!

~JAM

I must have made the Gods mad

2006-09-08T12:44:00.000+03:00

Wow! What a week! As you know, I officially started my new job this week. School also started this week. I don't even know where to begin telling the events of my week...

Your first day of work is always a little stressful - if you're like me. I want to be productive and try to learn as much as possible so that I can start working efficiently as soon as possible. Let me give you a little advice... If you start work in a primary or secondary school, please make sure your first day is at least two weeks before school starts. Being a new employee (read: useless) on the first week of school, is no fun. Parents expect you to know things and to be able to do things for them, and when you are clueless, walking around searching for things and people, it just does not give off a good impression. I ended up in tears at least once and had the urge to scream at anyone at least 20 times in the past week. But, that will pass. I still love the job and I absolutely LOVE the lady I work for. I really don't think I could ask to work for someone better. She is a caring and thoughtful lady who you know you can count on for anything. This is the part of my week that was really within my control and every day just got better from the first day. The part of my week that was total and complete chaos, was what happened in my private life...........

On top of it being my first week of work, the first week of school for all three of my kids and the second week of school for the Major, we had many things go wrong with our house. The first thing was the storm we had on Tuesday. Oh my goodness! What a storm it was in our area! There were straight line winds, rain and hail. I sat in my office and watched the sand come in with the wind. It looked like someone was pulling a big orange blanket over the sky. When it hit our area, it hit with the force of a hurricane coming across the gulf of Mexico. Our gate - which if you remember was previously damaged by the wind - started to creek, the new climbing fort that the husband and kids have been building over the last 3 weeks was just shimmying in the wind. The palms in the yard were bent almost completely over and sand was hitting the windows at such a force that it was actually making that pinging noise. Then came the rain. Coupled with the wind, the rain came gushing through each and every crevice in our windows and within a matter of seconds, I have a lake in the entire downstairs of the house. It was leaking through the windows in the stair well and flowing down into the rotunda at the bottom. My guest room downstairs had a silk bed spread on the bed and the water got to such a level that the bed spread is ruined with water stains. It was an absolute mess! Our gardener's house was under enough water that he opened his front door and it started pouring out of the door way. The scariest part for me was when I realized that water was coming in, I decided to build a berm around the office to prevent the water from getting to the computers (I grew up in the flood plane in Houston - I am used to this sort of thing), but as I am doing it, the hail started pounding the windows! All I could think about is all the construction around the neighborhood and what would happen if one of the plywood fence pieces came hurling through any of the windows in the house.
I collected all the kids and had them play in the down stairs living room where there were no windows (or water yet) and just sat there and waited for the storm to pass.

It took most of the evening to clean up the mess, and we used our wet/dry vac to suck up the water. We collected two full buckets of water, and used 20 towels.

The next day, I came home from work at 3 pm to discover we had no electricity. It had been off since 9 AM. Having no electricity means no water, no cooking (cause we use electric), no toilets (because water pumps didn't work) and no showers. Last week, I spent the week cooking meals for the freezer...... Guess what? I had to go grocery shopping today. The electrician was called and he came riding up on his bicycle (no joke) with 2 screwdrivers and a light bulb attached to two wires - really, no kidding! When we left the house at 5, he was saying something about the problem being with the main line that was coming in from the street. You know what that means... It would be at least a week before the municipality came out to even look at it. This was not good news. We went and ate then tried to waste some more time walking around, but lost interest at about 8 pm. Since the house was still pretty cool, we decided to stay for the night. The electrician told the Major that the problem was not with the main line (thank goodness) but with the breaker in the shed and he was waiting for the part (again, not good news). At 11 pm, our air conditioner came on.

Between all of this, P-man got an ear infection with a very high fever. I am getting a cold and Little Bit has decided that school is not all she thought it would be and keeps walking out of class and across the court yard alone to come hang out with mom at her desk. P-man stayed home from school on Thursday and I am still feeling like absolute poo.

Now, if I could have saved that bee sting I got in the mall a few weeks ago until this week, THAT would have really topped off the week!

I am just glad it is the weekend - FINALLY. This felt like the longest week ever! Forgive my inconsistencies in formatting and grammar. I am not up to doing a thorough proof read....

Enjoy some photos of the storm.....

Four Words:

2006-09-01T07:23:00.000+03:00

I LOVE MY JOB. That's all.
I am so happy to be working again and I really like where I am working too!
I hope you guys understand that since I am no longer sitting around the house on my tushie all day, I won't be posting as often.

In the Southern states of America, there is a comedian who talks about people and the stupid things they do. When someone does something really stupid, he talks about these people being given a sign letting everyone know they are stupid.

Here, I will leave you with a "Duh" moment.....
If you are applying for the position of English teacher, would you turn in a CV in English or Arabic? I'll let you guess what language it was in.... Well, here's your sign, dude.....

YEAY!!!

2006-08-29T14:39:00.000+03:00

The lady I am working for was able to get my salary worked out just perfectly. She is really great (not only because of that though)! I feel so badly for her as she is really snowed under and needs my help, but I am too new to really help her the way I should.

Today was my first day and boy was it busy! I don't feel like I actually did much, but the buzz of activity was just unbelievable! I am used to working at University in one individual department and it is mush different than a primary/secondary school! The teachers are all so animated and talkative and parents are in and out with kids all over the place. It was a great day! I am so excited to be there! I can not wait for school to start!

Another good thing happened today. I had to go to the kids' old school and pick up transfer papers and their reports. The boys did wonderfully and Blondie made the honor list! BUT the best part is that it was not nearly as stressful getting the transfer papers as I thought it would be. I did end up talking to the primary school principal and the school director about our reasons and it really just came down to feeling like this new school's teaching style is more in tune with what we are used to in the US. I just want my kids to be comfortable, and I think the new school will definitely do that for them.

OK, so that is it! I am tired and think I will take advantage of the nap hour (first time ever)!

~JAM

OK, so, I got a job...

2006-08-28T06:19:00.000+03:00

It always happens when you're not looking, doesn't it?
I will be working at one of the schools here in town as the principals assistant. I have real mixed emotions about it because after being home for 4 years, this is a really big step! I am nervous and excited but right now, I am just kind of numb. Thinking about being forced to get up every morning and having to at least pretend to be happy all the time.... The school is fantastic and the staff is pretty great too, so I don't think there will be an issue of it being a bad environment. I saw more smiles yesterday while I was interviewing that I have all year, so that made me feel great!
The pay is terrible though, and I really think that is the main factor in why I am not really excited about it. I am going to go in today and try and talk about it with them. I am not a negotiator and become very timid and mouse like when it comes to this sort of thing, so I am on the verge of vomiting just thinking about it. I think I will suggest a progressive approach where I am being pay one thing for my probation period and them after that period, if my work is satisfactory, I get a certain % raise. Hopefully that is acceptable - it would certainly make me feel better about it.
Now thinking back to the other job offer I was given, I realize that the pay for that one was very high - but the cost was too. I want my children to be happy and this new school is such a better fit for them. I am very pleased with the school and am excited to be able to grow with the school and be a part of it. It is exciting.

OK, that's it. I am off to a (what do you call an adult play date??? - a coffee morning???) I guess a coffee morning. My last ditch effort to meet a new friend before starting work tomorrow (and the kids will get to play too).

Crying tears of joy, nerves and sadness, all at once......

~JAM

Well, hot damn! Spell checker says there are no spelling errors! That is a first! I am sure it missed some, as I am a terrible speller!

I have no idea what to title this post (but it is long)

2006-08-25T16:36:00.000+03:00

My family and I were invited to an Emirati wedding celebration. It is held sometime around 3 days after the wedding agreement is signed and the couple is officially married according to (not 100% this is accurate, but....) Islamic law. I had a major panic attack after the invitation, because I had no idea what to wear to this sort of occasion. In the States, this would be the perfect place to wear your little black dress (or in my case, several yards of black fabric that hides all your baby fat). I just had a feeling that a black dress would not quite cut it here...

I found a beautiful chocolate pant suit that was perfect, but let me get on with this wonderful experience.....

The bride's father works with my husband and they are also our neighbors. This was a relief to me because it made me feel like there was already some sort of connection and I wouldn't be dangling alone in this sea of women. When we were invited, the father and sister of the bride came to our house and gave us a paper invitation as well as verbally invited us. I got to talk to the sister and was so happy to finally meet our neighbors. She told me that when we got the the party, to call her and she would seat me and guide me.

When we got the the celebration grounds, the boys went to the men's tent and Little Bit and I went inside to the women's party (the men and women celebrate separately.... Islamic law dictates that men and women who are not blood related or related by marriage [husband and wife] should not intermingle - it is harem or forbidden)and I was met at the door by a lady who I thought could be the sister (because when I met her she was covered and now she wasn't), but I was not sure. I said her name and the lady told me that she was not here yet and would be with the bride. She then asked if I wanted to sit up front. Well, I have no idea, so I followed her; like an idiot, traipsing through this party room sticking out like a sore thumb with every one watching me; to the front of the room. I was seated with three younger women and three older women and my daughter. There was a communication gap, but that was ok, as we understood each other well enough. Looking around the room, I was in awe of all the color and the jublience and the FACES! These are the faces I have been wanting to see! It was so beautiful to see these women enjoying them selves, amongst them selves. There were about 100 round tables with chairs and then a stage at the front of the room. The stage was a "T" stage with a runway and everything, and it was decorated with candles and flowers and a red velvet couch. Periodically, a man would come in to fix the sound system and I don't think I have ever seen women move so quickly to cover their faces. I completely understand the reason for covering, but it was comical to watch.

The music started and about 20 girls and young women from the crowd got up on the stage to dance. They would tie a sash around their tushie and start swinging their hips. Even the children were doing it. I was a bit taken aback with it as it was very provocative, but it was also beautiful. As an American the only thing I can compare the dance to is what we would see from the ladies from Mexico - where they do that fluid hip shake, foot movement thing that they do. It is mesmorizing, and all the colors and smells made it even more intoxicating.

I did find out that the lady who seated me, is another of my neighbors and she was just fantastic! She set with me most of the night and was very good to me. The older ladies at my table piled food on my plate and bullied me into eating, much like my grandmother would if she were around, and the younger girls just looked at me (nothing new to me). I was surprised by the reaction of several women to me though. As I walked through the crowd, women were touching my arms and petting me like they do my daughter usually. It was the older ladies and I can only assume that maybe it was my fair skin that they felt the need to touch??? I don't know. I just smiled at them and said Salaam and moved on. It didn't really bother me, it was just a new experience.

The bride's sister found me later and she looked just lovely. Her dress was awesome and her hair was beautiful. I was so happy to see her. The bride arrived at 11 pm and when she walked in, they dimmed the lights. She was highlighted by the bright light of a video camera (more like a Hollywood movie camera!) and she literally glowed! Her dress and veil were adorned with crystals and when the light hit them, they shone into the audience. She looked angelic. She would walk a few steps then turn to the guests and pose for a bit then take a few more steps and turn the opposite direction for those guests to see. It took her 20 minutes to get to the stage! Her dress was ruffled at the bottom and she had to kick it to get it out from under her so she could walk. When she got to the stairs and I finally got to see her face, she looked terrified. Her sisters were really good about helping her with her dress, but they could do nothing to help her on those stairs! Once she got up the stairs, she was better, but you could still see worry in her eyes. She was not like a typical bride you would see in America - you know, all glowing and beaming with excitement. She was reserved, smiling, but you could tell she was nervous or apprehensive. She was beautiful though.

The groom came in shortly after she got there and he was just beaming! He was very handsome and looked like a kind man. I had to leave because my kids were falling asleep and I did not get to see the couple together.

I am so happy to have been a part of this and to have been invited. It was such a fun night and an experience I am sure we will never forget. The next day, the bride;s family brought over some food from the wedding. We got a dish of the Bulgar wheat with meat (I don't know what it is called). To compare it to something American, it smells like chicken gravy and looks like thick gravy (after it has been in the fridge). To me, it tastes like gravy too - only thicker. Blondie and I ate it up - now i need to get the dish back to my friends!

There is another wedding this weekend that we are invited to . I don't think I will go to this one because it took me 2 days to recover from this one! School starts on Saturday, so I need my rest. I will jump at the chance to go any time after this though!

~JAM
Photo from web site on photo

Insomnia strikes again

2006-08-21T01:15:00.000+03:00

Alrighty then. It is 2 AM and I can not sleep. At. All.

Had a good time on the play date today, but I still don't feel like I am making friends that I can be me with. I like the ladies I am meeting, or I wouldn't ask to met with them again, but I feel like we are playing a little cat and mouse game. Everyone is trying to be proper and all soccer momish and I just want someone I can say "shit" in front of, you know? Not saying that I will, but I want the possibility to be open.

I think farts are funny and I love that my kids have burping contests. I don't bend to my children's every demand and don't go running at every call of my name. I am strict with my kids and I believe in ME time.

I need a friend who understands that I am high maintenance and will respect that, but who will also be able to handle it when I just don't feel like getting dressed that day. I need someone who will know that they can call me and talk to me about sex, diarrhea and crystal all in the same conversation and I won't pass judgment on her.

No subject is really taboo to me, but I understand that most of the world is more modest than I (never end sentence in a preposition). I just need to know that I am not the only mom like me out here. I need to have my girls from the States over here to keep me company and keep me sane (or insane, depending on how you look at it). So get your damn passports already and pack your bags! If only it were that easy..... I miss my girls! I wish I could find some girls here!

~JAM

Slow in the blog world

2006-08-20T12:04:00.000+03:00

These lazy days of summer (read freaking hotter than hell summer) have got me all sluggish. I have no original thoughts and the few that I have slowly eek out of my brain like a helium balloon loosing it's air.

I am preoccupied with getting meals into the freezer so that I will be prepared when school starts next month. I am worried about what I am going to wear to this Emirate after wedding celebration this weekend. I am 2 weeks into my new "life style change" and am preoccupied with how many carbs are in EVERYTHING.

The days drag on so slowly that sometimes I wonder if they are moving backward. When will the insistent heat just pick it's ass up and leave already? It is freaking miserable. I am getting sick from spending too much time inside, but if I go outside, I will become the next statistic on the skin cancer research board...

Oh, don't mind me. It's just cabin fever. Am having a play date today. Maybe that will cheer me up.

~JAM

Yet more confirmation that I made the right choice....

2006-08-13T23:03:00.000+03:00

I got married when I was 20. I met the Major when I was 17, but didn't start dating him until I was 18. He was 26. At the time, I was at the end of a very long and complicated relationship (high school sweetheart - if that's what you can call him) and wasn't sure if this thing with this older guy would work out. My high school boy friend asked me to merry him. I said no. I fell in love with the Major the second I saw him and I had to see what was going to happen there. We were married in 1995 and grow more in love every year. The rest is history.

The kicker is I have always wondered what happened to my high school guy. He was brilliant - I always fell for the smart ones - but not very focused. He was more worried about making it to the midnight showing of Rockey Horror than which college to attend. He was a hopeless romantic though.

Tonight, I was helping a friend with a computer problem and while I was bored, waiting for her to get back with me, I typed in HIS name in Google images. I won't post the image here because, well, that's just weird, but I found out that the guy I could have married is now a PROFESSIONAL AIR HOCKEY PLAYER!!!!! He has long hair and hangs out in bars - he's 33 freaking years old!!!!!

I always knew I made the right decision by saying no to him and sticking it out with the Major, but this shows that I deserve a pat on the back. I actually sent my father an e-mail thanking him for all his patience over the 4 years I dated this guy; after I saw his current credentials. So, thanks dad, for believing that I could do better and for encouragement me to go out and look.....

~JAM

Our kids at Houston Zoo, 2004

How natural is YOUR gas?

2006-08-12T18:55:00.000+03:00

My family and I are a little immature. Well, we're a lot immature, but it is just so darn fun!

Driving to the mall a few days ago, we had to pull off and get gas in the truck. My kids know the way to the mall (how sad is that), and when they noticed a change in scenery, Little Bit pipes up and says "Daddy! Where are we going? This is NOT how you get to Al Jimi!". Daddy tells her we are going to get gas, then P-man says "Why? Daddy always has gas." As if on cue, daddy farted. While this sent the entire family into rolling hysterics, it got we two older people thinking..... And the conversation went a little something like this:

Major: "What if someone found a way to run vehicles off of human farts"
ME: "That would be great - no more oil problems and it would be much more environmentally safe"
Me: "But what about the smell?"
Major: "Wow....that could be bad"
Me: "But if it were all over, we would get used to it and it wouldn't matter. You know, kind of like how farmers can't smell cow poop any more?"
Major: "It could be interesting"
Me: "Can you imagine? People will have to start eating a specific diet for different octanes of gas?"
Me: "Excuse me? (me imitating someone pulling up to the pump) I'll take a tank of the Gwyneth Paltrow (the macrobiotic diet) special please."
Major: "It'll never work"
Me: "You're right, Gwyneth would never sell her farts."

Feeling all warm and fuzzy

2006-08-11T20:08:00.000+03:00

No, it's not contagious, so don't worry!

Someone asked me if I were stranded on a desert island what is the one song I would want to have with me? The first thing I thought was that I probably wouldn't be worried about a song if I were stranded on a desert island, I would be worried about not having a hair dryer! Geeze! Let's get our priorities straight here!

I thought about this and it didn't take me too long to say "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. It has got to be my most favorite song of all time. I don't know if it started with the movie "Say Anything" or what. It is a song that makes me want to cry, smile, and be near the one I love. Although I would not mind John Cusack holding up a giant boom box and professing his love for me by blaring my favorite song, I must admit that when I dream about it, the man holding the boom box is always my husband.

AAAAHHHHH...I just love that song.

Um, excuse me, you have a little shmuts on your ruler

2006-08-09T20:14:00.000+03:00

You know, some things you just aren't prepared for when you move to a new land. And this is an example of one of those things:

Yes, folks, that is an ant. A BIG FREAKING ANT. They invade my home after every wind storm. They get in through the walls BECAUSE THEY BURROW THROUGH THE MFing CONCRETE to get in.

Check it out!

This sucker is almost 1 and a half cent. long!!! That is a little over a half inch for those of you who don't follow the metric system. This isn't even one of the BIG ones! There are ones with wings that are about an inch long! I am too afraid of those to get a photo of them.
Check out the pinchers on this guy!

These things are not insects. I think they qualify as rodents! About once a month, my wash room next to the dining room will get and infestation of these ginormous creatures (both winged and wingless) and I have to go in with the "Raid" and blow them all to bits. It is like a scene out of Indiana Jones, with the floor covered in black creepy crawly things and no matter where you walk, something crunches under your feet. I just need a lasso and a cool safari hat!

~JAM

Geeze freakin Louise!

2006-08-09T11:24:00.000+03:00

We had a huge wind storm last night. It is not really that unusual this time of year, but it does wreak all kinds of havoc on my house when it does happen!

A few weeks ago, our IRON freaking gate (the one you see on the left)was ripped off it's hinges by the wind. How crazy is that?

Last night we are in bed and at about 2:30 AM, we hear crack, crack, crack, BOOM! Then this unbelievable howl as the rest of the doors in the house slam shut and cause a deafening KABOOM. The kids all wake up screaming and the Major and I both sit straight up in bed and look at each other in a panic. My first instinct was to run and gather the kids and make sure they are all ok, so I jump out of bed (sending the poor little kitten flying off the bed) and run into Little Bit's room where she and P-man are huddled together crying. Blonde comes stumbling in, face as white as a ghost and starts crying. The poor little guys are terrified and we all huddle together on the bed while the Major walks around the house to find the source of the noises.

After what seemed like an eternity (and my mind going through all kind of crazy scenerios as to why it is taking so freaking long for him to come back), the Major comes back up stairs and says that the double door (the one on the right in the photo) in my art room was forced open by the wind and that it sucked all the other doors closed through out the house. He said he closed it, but it was damaged and he couldn't see well enough to figure out how to fix it so he tied it with some rope I had in there to keep it closed. This morning, the gardener and I got it figured out. One side of the door has a latch on the top and bottom that locks on the ceiling and then the floor so that the side with the handle can securely close and then lock. Well, it wasn't secured into the floor or the ceiling, but it was locked. When the wind blew it open, the bolt lock bent and the doors came crashing open. Luckily the glass didn't break, but since the lock did bend, we really had to mess with it to get it locked again. It has to be locked because if it isn't the door won't stay closed anyway (really really really shitty construction...this is what happens when you go with the lowest bidder, people). Now that it is closed and locked and secured, I don't think we will ever be able to get it unlocked again. That's ok because we don't use the door, but MY GOD!!!!

I am so tired today because I could not go back to sleep after all this happened. The kids didn't sleep well either. We are all pretty grumpy today. My body is swollen and sore from the lack of sleep. My freaking feet feel like they are going to explode at any moment. I just hope the wind lets up tonight, because we all need a good night sleep.

~JAM